Comrades . . .This is our first...
Comrades . . .
This is our first opportunity to explain to the people of the Westside the events that have transpired over these past few days, and to dispel a vile rumor about the quality of our mental health.
It was reported that we went stark raving mad, using makeup and dressing up like a woman while smearing caviar and peanut butter all over the floors, walls and ceilings of our dacha in Pacifik Palisades. For this we were termed “ill” and unfit to write this humble column anymore.
Such lies, comrades!
We were merely wearing a tidy little babushka, and nothing more, to keep the peanut butter from falling down on our head. And the caviar went into our mouth! Naturally!
Our first inkling that the plotters were trying to pull the burlap over our eyes was when we summoned our minister of heavy machinery into our chamber and asked him how we could get in touch with the common folk.
He craftily did not inform us of the second annual Folk & Jazz ’91 festival, being held from noon to 8 p.m. today at the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. Performers such as Mason Williams, Cats & Jammers, Sara Elizabeth Campbell, Maiden Voyage and the Michel Petrucciani Trio will participate. Admission is free. Call (213) 393-8355.
No, his reply was the usual realpolitik rhetoric.
For this he has been demoted to minister of parking lots.
Such drama, comrades. Something right out of a movie. Like the posters, photographs, autographs and other collectibles from the film world being sold at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday. Admission is $5. For information, call (213) 857-1307.
So we summoned the coup’s ringleader, our minister of runways, and confronted him about his attempt to usurp the will of the people, and asked him to give us one good reason why he should not be sent to some distant Third World nation.
Why do that, he replied, when we could all easily hear a piece of the Third World at the “Reggae in Topanga” festival at the Theatricum Botanicum beginning at noon Saturday. Admission is $12 adults, $7 children under 12, and under 5 free. For information, call (213) 455-1021.
Such thinking must not go unrewarded. For that he has been promoted to minister of leather goods.