She Shares in Her Husband’s Passion, Offers Hope to Stroke Victims

When Elaine Yarus’ husband, Norman, had his first stroke in 1974, he decided to devote his life to helping other stroke victims. And he did so until his death two years ago.

Now, Elaine Yarus is taking over where Norman Yarus left off. She was her husband’s partner during the years when he ran seven self-help groups--it was her way, she says, of sharing his passion as well as his rehabilitation.

But why go back?

“My husband was actually training me and towards the end he told me to take over,” Yarus says. “But when he died I couldn’t do it. Now I have this need to continue what he started.”

Yarus was taught well. Although she feels empathy toward stroke victims she follows her husband’s philosophy--SPS, or “Self Pity Stinks.”

“I don’t fall all over them with sympathy,” she says.

Yarus’ approach is simple. She starts out by offering hope.

“The first thing I do is hold up my index finger and move it up and down and say, ‘We’ll start with this and hopefully it will progress to dancing.’ ” Her method is based on the idea that any little accomplishment is crucial. With her blunt humor, a tough-love attitude and first-hand experience, she offers constructive ideas about physical and attitude improvement and leaves psychological counseling to the professionals.

But she also can speak from personal experience about the realities of being the spouse of a stroke victim.

“There’s a big difference when the victim is a wife because women tend to be more accepting,” Yarus says. “But the majority of victims are men and a lot of women want out because their husbands become abusive. We work on that. Without a strong bond before a stroke, it’s difficult if not impossible to draw on strength afterwards,” she says.

Since many stroke victims must adapt to using wheelchairs for mobility, Yarus says they frequently experience frustration at losing a degree of control over their lives.

“We have a buddy system where everybody calls one other person every day,” she says. “It doesn’t matter if they feel good or bad, it’s about making contact. I remember two clients called one another and watched a baseball game together cheering into the telephone.”

And there’s homework. Yarus asked one of her groups to research restaurants where they could eat for under $10. After everyone did the field work, they put together a booklet. “We also pooled our resources and put together a reference library of medical supplies that enhanced their lives. Anything to improve their everyday living and, most important, learning how to deal with what is, not with what was, gives these people more control over their lives,” she says.

Besides being, in her words, “the grandmother of the century” to her three grandchildren, Elaine Yarus has always been a giver and a doer. She is involved with SAFE--Senior Alliance for Frail & Elderly--and goes to visit patients in rest homes. She also takes classes at Santa Monica Emeritus College.

Yarus sees her clients every Wednesday from 1:30 to 3 p.m. at the Santa Monica-based Senior Health and Peer Counseling Center at 2125 Arizona Ave. For more information call (213) 828-1243.

Bulletin Board

Volunteer Services--The West Hollywood Senior Service Center needs volunteers to help seniors with light chores, shopping and minor home repairs; information: (213) 851-8202.

Saints & Sinners--The group will have dancing and entertainment; West Hollywood Senior Center, 7929 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles; 7 p.m. Tuesday; information: (213) 653-0138 ($4 guests).

Mexican Independence--The Hollywood Senior Citizen Multipurpose Center will celebrate Mexican Independence Day; 6501 Fountain Ave., Hollywood; 1:30 to 3:30 p.m. Friday; information: (213) 957-3900 ($1 donation).

Mature Drivers--Santa Monica College will sponsor a course for licensed drivers 55 and older; Santa Monica College, 1900 Pico Blvd., Santa Monica; 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday; information: (213) 452-9214 ($21).