Culture Watch

A sampling of hoped-for blockbusters from Spec Script Marketplace:

* “Professor Alucard (Dracula spelled backward) comes to Overland College and starts biting the sorority girls, who start biting the guys. . . .”

* “A woman trauma doctor loses a female patient and is shocked to discover that the corpse appears to be her twin. . . .”

* “A long-missing USO troupe has been spotted still in captivity in Vietnam. To bring ‘em back, Washington appoints Hambone, a pathologically violent soldier of fortune. . . .”

Hoping to dazzle an agent or producer, aspiring screenwriters promise--along with passionate sex, intrigue and deceit--such sure-fire formulas as “Raising Arizona Meets Jacob’s Ladder” and a female super-action hero who’s “a cross between ‘Bewitched’ and ‘Rambo.’ ”

One script, billed as “ ‘Splash’ Meets ‘Encino Man,’ ” features a 10,000-year-old Nordic princess found frozen in an ice block and thawed out by a young cryogenics genius who must protect her from an exploitative anthropologist.

If those don’t grab you, consider these:

* “Three young brothers from the South Bronx inherit an ostrich farm in Wyoming. ‘City Slickers’ meets ‘House Party,’ with a dash of Monty Python. . . .”

* “Our hero (a cross between Jim Carrey and early Woody Allen) is being analyzed by a Japanese psychiatrist. We see his dreams. He’s Adam trying to get God, who’s Japanese, to exchange Eve. . . .”

* “While cloning a duck, a geneticist accidentally clones himself. Clone agrees to impersonate geneticist while geneticist takes secret holiday. . . .”

* “Three passions of America--politics, weight loss and sex--collide headlong when mayoral candidate hires no-nonsense dietitian to help him lose weight before the election. . . .”