LAUGH LINES

A Good Spanking: In a new poll, “50% of Americans say that at some point in their lives, they were spanked by their parents. The other 50% said at some point in their lives, they were spanked by President Clinton.” (Conan O’Brien)

The Chosen One: “George W. Bush picked Dick Cheney to be his vice presidential running mate. He’s modest, understated, smart and highly respected in foreign affairs. So it’s true what they say: Opposites really do attract.” (Argus Hamilton)

Man to Man: Dick Cheney is “a lot smarter than Bush. . . . Everyone said Bush chose Cheney to avoid that whole Dan Quayle thing. The ironic thing is, now [Bush is] the Dan Quayle.” (Jay Leno)

Reality Bites: Fox is “coming out with a new reality show called ‘Boot Camp,’ where 100 contestants compete in an army training program. However, Fox did admit that it’s having some trouble finding 100 people who aren’t already part of a reality show.” (O’Brien)

Brain Power: “Scientists . . . say mental exercise is the way to expand the brain and to improve intelligence. They recommend lots of books and crossword puzzles. Just finding a running mate isn’t enough.” (Hamilton)

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