LAUGH LINES

How Bad Is That?: “Roseanne has released an album with her rock band. Now, I don’t want to say that the album’s bad, but Rex Reed stole a copy . . . and actually returned it.” (Andrew Wisot)

For Shame: “Sen. John McCain beat Texas Gov. George Bush in both the Michigan and Arizona primaries [last week]. . . . Bush said this was his worst embarrassment since he spent $1,000 to buy a bag of baking soda.” (Craig Kilborn)

Grammy Fallout: “How about Jennifer Lopez’s dress, you see that thing? That’s one way to get people to stop talking about your butt, oh, man. I thought she had put a hospital gown on backward. . . . I guess she just wanted to show everybody she wasn’t carrying any concealed weapons.” (Jay Leno)

Truck Stop: “More than 200 truckers drove into Washington, D.C. . . . to protest the high cost of diesel fuel. And to his credit, President Clinton actually went down to talk to the truckers. Not about fuel prices, he wanted to know where they got those cool nude-silhouette mud flaps.” (Leno)

Runner-Up: “The Reform Party is courting Ross Perot to run for president. He told reporters he’ll run if he’s drafted. That’s the same thing Bill Clinton said back in ’68.” (Argus Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.