The old rituals get a rewrite

ROBERT Vafaie and Sarala Dandakar-Vafaie of Echo Park don’t stand on tradition -- at least not in the old-fashioned sense.

Having met in Fiji, they returned there to get married, but completely bypassed the white wedding route. “We created our own ceremony right there on the beach,” says Robert, a surfer, biker and world traveler. “It was very impulsive and unconventional and beautiful.”

But now that they’re looking to celebrate the imminent arrival of their first child, they’ve turned to some outside help.

“We wanted this time to be an experience that we could share with our friends and family,” says Sarala, a teacher of classical Indian dance, “in a way that was more powerful and meaningful than just a baby shower.”

That’s where Randi Ragan came in. Her company, the Blessing Works, is a new addition among businesses that specialize in creating personalized rituals at clients’ homes. The aim is to help people celebrate life’s transitions in ways that are meant to be more organic and sincere than a roasted ham, a pile of Hallmark cards or a couple of Borders gift certificates.

“People don’t necessarily feel competent to create rituals for themselves anymore,” says Abigail Lewis, editor of the Malibu-based holistic magazine Whole Life Times. “They feel removed from the process and events of their lives.”

So they turn to consultants such as Ragan, a yoga instructor, teacher and lecturer who says she started her business last year after studying rituals from a variety of traditions for 15 years.

“I feel like now, more than ever, people are looking for ways to instill ceremony into their lives,” says Ragan, “and to experience those ceremonies in a way that doesn’t seem like an obligation or a commercialization.”

Of course, commerce is involved. Ragan’s fees start at $300, not including the cost of materials, for ceremonies to mark such events as a young girl’s coming of age, the renewal of marriage vows (or divorce) and the death of a family member.

Ragan incorporates a range of inspirational sources in her work. Ceremonies can include elements such as Judaic symbolism, naturist literature and the prayer and poetry of ancient Eastern traditions.

There is also a healthy dose of do-it-yourself spiritualism, as clients use their own creativity and imagination to shape their moment.

As a trend, such a mix-and-match approach is a distinctly American phenomenon, says Pam Frese, an anthropology professor at the College of Wooster in Ohio who studies rituals. “It’s a product of the Me Generation. Our individualistic society tells us we have the ability to shape the world around us, and that includes rituals.”

At Robert and Sarala’s “birthing ritual,” there will not be, as Ragan says with a grimace, “a lot of women sitting around drinking punch and watching the mother-to-be open presents.”

Instead there will be food, song and spoken word, with the piece de resistance being a $100 plaster “belly cast” formed from Sarala’s swollen breasts and abdomen.

On a recent weekday afternoon, Ragan arrived at the young couple’s home to plaster cast a naked Sarala in preparation for the ceremony. A tarp was laid across the living room floor, and Sarala stood placidly while Ragan meticulously applied layer upon layer of thin bandages and paste.

After a few minutes the plaster began to harden, taking on the smooth curve of Sarala’s pregnant belly. Ragan then carefully removed the cast.

At the festivities, friends and family will be asked to decorate the belly cast, adorning it in with beads, feathers or swirls of colored pencil. Or not, depending on the couple’s wishes.

“After living with it for the next week,” Ragan says, “you may decide to keep it just like this.”

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The Blessing Works

What: Personalized at-home ritual service

Contact: (323) 257-5710, Ext. 2; www.theblessingworks.com