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A shiny poem for Jeff Koons -- assembled from his Whitney reviews

A shiny poem for Jeff Koons -- assembled from his Whitney reviews
'Poodle,' a 1991 sculpture by Jeff Koons, is on view as part of his retrospective at the Whitney Museum in New York. (Jeff Koons / Whitney Museum of American Art)

The Jeff Koons retrospective has opened at the Whitney Museum of American Art in New York and it is filled with BIG SHINY THINGS and LOTS OF COLOR. But if there's something that contains even more color, it's been all of the reviews of the show.

In fact, the reviews are so good — bursting with evocative turn of phrase, political metaphor and references to lady parts — that they've inspired me to make a poem.

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Combing write-ups by Roberta Smith in the New York Times, Jerry Saltz in New York Magazine, Jason Farago in the Guardian, Andrew Russeth in Gallerist, Ben Davis in Artnet, Thomas Micchelli in Hyperallergic and Paddy Johnson in Art F City, I've chosen all the best, most wondrous phrases and produced what I believe, to be a truly epic work of poetry.

Stand aside, Chaucer and William Burroughs. Welcome to the world of cut-up Koons criticism. Each line is linked to its source, in case you're wondering who referred to crystal meth and who said "psychedelic poop."

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FIN.

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