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Entertainment & Arts

Lohan Relaunch: An Open Letter to Lindsay

1/5
By Deborah Netburn and Joseph A. Kapsch, Times staff writers


Stay home.
You love the clubs, but do the clubs love you? They lure you with their VIP areas, and wild party in the limelight, but it’s not helping. You’re overexposed. You’re under-nourished. You don’t get enough sleep. Give it a rest.  (Lester Cohen / WireImage.com)
2/5
Muzzle mom.
Was there any reason your mom needed to work the “Georgia Rule” red carpet for “ET?” None at all. Should she take Rosie O’Donnell’s spot on “The View?” Heck no! Please don’t allow Mama Lohan to go on record likening herself to Lady O. The white Oprah? Not with that orange spray tan.  (Jeff Christensen / AP)
3/5
Get a paparazzi game plan.
You love the cameras, you hate them. They’re destroying your life, yet you need them. Stop sending mixed messages Lindz! You need a Paparazzi Plan. Red carpet snaps are a necessity for your career. Drunken 3 AM mid-clubbing photos are not. Work the carpet, sneak into the clubs. And surely you can’t be that attached to the crab cakes at The Ivy.  (John Shearer / WireImage.com)
4/5
Reevaluate the friend situation.
It’s time to ask yourself who took those incriminating cell phone photos of you in the bathroom at Teddy’s. Someone from the inner circle? You need a healthy crew of real friends. Not backstabbing enablers. With pals like these who needs enemies or “frenemies” -- whatever you and Paris are calling yourselves these days.  (Donato Sardella / WireImage.com)
5/5
Practice hair continuity.
Keep the hair color stable. Hollywood’s crop of A-list actresses don’t change their hair color every other week, unless of course it’s for an Oscar contender role. Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman. We liked you best as a redhead. The blonde made you look washed out. The black was too harsh. Stick with the signature.  (AP / WireImage.com / Getty Images)
By Deborah Netburn and Joseph A. Kapsch, Times Staff Writers
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Dear Lindz,

You rock. We totally mean that. You’re our favorite of the tabloid celebrities. We appreciate your operatic life (Paris gets in fights with Shana Moakler, you get abducted by your dad). Plus, you have talent. We haven’t forgotten “Mean Girls.”

But here’s the thing: we were not feeling you in “A Prairie Home Companion” and frankly, you really phoned in your performance in “Just My Luck.” (though most reading this probably didn’t see it based on its box office cume.) Now we’re reading early reviews of “Georgia Rule” and we don’t like what we’re hearing.

We know you’ve had it rough, but we want you back on top and we feel sure that you can get there. Just stop working on movies and start working on Lindsay.

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Entertainment & Arts
Deborah Netburn

Deborah Netburn covers faith, spirituality and joy for the Los Angeles Times. She started at The Times in 2006 and has worked across a wide range of sections including entertainment, home and garden, national news, technology and science.

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