Health & Fitness

Two Guys Lose Weight: Jimmy blames Sasquatch Cyclops for weight explosion

Saturday Night Live (tv program)Human Interest

NOTE:  This is a blog about two guys attempting to lose weight over a six-week period.  They kicked off their weight loss "strategies" on Monday.

I guess I really can’t blame my holiday weight explosion on my niece, Randi.  But all it took was one look at the Sasquatch Cyclops cookie she made for me and hopes of having a low-cal Christmas flew out the window.

I thought that I could go back home and proudly eat celery stalks and lettuce while my family porked out on the normal holiday fare.

RELATED: Stir-fry is better than 'cigarettes and beer' diet.

Didn’t turn out that way.  If we weren’t eating, we were talking about eating.  Like when I asked Randi if she would drink a ham shake for $100.  A ham shake?  That’s when you take a small ham and put it into a blender until it liquefies.

I don’t know if it ever would.  But it worked for Dan Akyroyd with the historic Bass-o-matic '76 on "Saturday Night Live" (see video below).

Randi passed on the ham-shake dare, but I might as well have had it.  I ate and drank everything in sight.  And once I started, I thought “well, why stop now?  Just put the diet off until I get back to California.”

So I did.  And all the sugary stuff I ate only super-charged my sweet tooth.   Now I’m trying to dump 25 pounds in 12 weeks.  

There’s candy everywhere in the newsroom.  When I pop into the Health editor’s office, I feel like I’m trick-or-treating.

But I’ve abstained.  I haven’t grazed.  Which is good because I’m on no real diet plan right now.  I realize that.  But at the same time, I’ve been good (except for the stir-fried noodles).  No snacking.  Moderate food intake.

So far, so good this morning.  My former trainer Teri told me what to have for breakfast.

“How about old-fashioned oatmeal with blueberries, a little agave nectar, some almonds and egg whites for breakfast? (Sounds delicious, right?)” she cheerily e-mailed.

Sure, Teri.  I carry agave nectar with me all the time.  I don’t know where to get any of that stuff.  Except the oatmeal.  So I plopped down some oatmeal from the cafeteria into a plastic tub, dumped in three Splendas and called it a morning.

Food on Wednesday:  Oatmeal and coffee for breakfast.  A giant tub of yogurt for lunch (440 calories).  A few Trader Joe’s Low-Fat Chocolately Cats cookies.  A colleague threw a small bag of almonds at me (I guess that’s how you get ‘em).  Crab soup with extra crab meat for dinner (240 calories).

  RELATED:

Tony learns from the Situation

Stir-fry is better than beer and cigarettes

How to sabotage your weight loss partner with super burritos

Copyright © 2014, Los Angeles Times
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