Facing ‘June gloom’ at the polls

CALL ME a dreamer.

If California voters keep walking out on political parties as often as Jennifer Lopez walks out on men (or vice versa), then one day we may be able to cancel these midterm primary elections altogether.

When that day comes, “June gloom” would only refer to the weather, not the campaign season.

The A-list political party in California is no party at all -- it’s “decline to state.” The DTS no-party party has nearly doubled its numbers in a dozen years and is closing in on 20% of registered voters.

A week from Tuesday, DTSers will have it easy. Their ballot has just two state initiatives and a few nonpartisan state races. Even with gas closing in on $4 a gallon, DTSers can leave the car idling at the curb while they pop in and vote. One initiative is about libraries; the other is about preschool.

Does it get any nicer than that? Am I in the right state? Who’s running these campaigns, Mr. Rogers?

For those of you who’ve hung onto party affiliation, your candidate choices can pretty much be summed up as millionaires and reruns. No one can accuse California of not recycling -- almost every candidate for seven statewide offices has occupied some other government seat, from the Assembly to the governor’s office. I think recycling is a great thing, but there are only so many times you can reinvent a plastic bottle before it turns into an “I Voted” souvenir fleece sweatshirt.

The most recognizable politician whose name is not on any ballot this year is Antonio Villaraigosa. The mayor of Los Angeles is the Matt Leinart of progressive politics, the Democrats’ “big get.” His name or face appears in ads for a school board candidate, two state Senate candidates and the preschool initiative -- did I forget any?

For you D-siders, the most engaging Democratic primary is the 36th Congressional District (Venice and thereabouts), where the incumbent, Jane Harman, is getting nipped at by antiwar activist Marcy Winograd. This was already a mini-rehearsal for the Hillary Clinton Stakes -- the 2008 presidential primaries, the out-of-Iraq-yesterday Democrats versus the “we broke it, we bought it” Democrats.

What makes it even spicier is that Nancy Pelosi, the Democratic House leader, evidently wants to bump Harman off the House Intelligence Committee, where she’s been for years. The Dems’ spin is that Harman has been too soft on President Bush and Bush’s war. But Pelosi reportedly wants to replace Harman with ... Florida Democrat Alcee Hastings. Alcee Hastings, who, until Tom DeLay was indicted, was probably the only congressman with a mug shot. Alcee Hastings, who was impeached and removed from the federal bench. If Florida voters have seen fit to send Hastings to Congress seven times, fine, but do Democrats really want to give Republicans all those free at-bats by making Hastings the human pinata of the Intelligence Committee?

The Republican races are even juicier. All the fun’s in the primaries because there’s no suspense about who wins in November. The districts are engineered to be safer than a 2-year-old strapped into a Primo Viaggio car seat inside a Volvo S80.

Even though Randy “Duke” Cunningham landed in prison for bribery and tax evasion, his San Diego district should stay warm for the next Republican. Headlines have been shaking several California GOP districts, but it’s unlikely their congressmen will be stirred from their seats.

The same defense contractor whose associate arranged for Cunningham to get $76,500 in campaign donations also lined up $82,000 for Roseville’s John T. Doolittle and at least $60,000 for Redlands’ Jerry Lewis, both Appropriations Committee GOP big shots.

Doolittle is also wearing a big A on his chest for Jack Abramoff -- and so is Tracy Congressman Richard Pombo. They both got money from the naughty lobbyist and his circle. Posters across Pombo’s hometown ask, “How Do You Spell Corruption? P-O-M-B-O.”

For a politics junkie like me, this stuff is meat and manna. But I know that for a lot of you, even reading about this -- much less voting on it -- is as icky as the prospect of sharing a toothbrush with someone with bird flu.

There’s a man in Arizona who thinks he can cure voter revulsion. He’s collected 185,903 signatures for a ballot initiative to give $1 million in unclaimed state lottery money to one lucky voter every election cycle. Why not? We play the odds every time we elect someone. Just ask Cunningham, federal inmate 94405-198.

Me, I’m a little sorry one initiative never made it to California’s June ballot. It would have allowed parents to serve drinks to their children, barred cops from confiscating booze and legalized “go cup” open containers for alcoholic beverages. Mardi Gras on the streets of San Mateo, woo hoo!

It would have been an amusing test of whether we’re as crazy as the rest of the country thinks. I’ll get back to you on that -- I have to go fix a kid a Mai Tai.