Opinion: Renee Zellweger and the ‘double bind’ aging women confront

It has been a week since we were all confronted with Renee Zellweger’s dramatically different appearance. By now, the pendulum has already swung from shock to condemnation to accusations of betrayal. (She was the regular and relatable one!) Time to take a breath and focus, first and foremost on how cruel her business can be: cute at 26, “Get us Renee Zellweger!”; not so cute at 35, “Get us a new Renee Zellweger!”; and now at 45, “Who’s Renee Zellweger?” Well, if nothing else, no one is asking the last question anymore. Or maybe we are.

Then again, why shouldn’t she be confused and overwhelmed? In this, she is every bit as regular and relatable as ever. It is difficult for most people to mature with grace in this youth-crazed society, where there is not a product in sight that is pro-aging. But nothing can be tougher than doing it in front of the world. Women, in particular, feel the consequences and, face it, few -- Julia Louis-Dreyfus perhaps the happy exception -- look better as they get older. (While George Clooney, Pierce Brosnan and Richard Gere surely do.)

How the actresses deal with these issues is ever fascinating and often disturbing.

I watched a pair of TCM interviews recently: one with Eva Marie Saint and the other Kim Novak. The former looked natural and well, her age, 90. The latter -- well, we know what Novak looks like now. But before harsh judgment, recall, that Novak’s entire identity was based on her beauty, while Saint was known more for her talent. It should come as small compensation for those who feel that the pretty girls get all the breaks. They do, but they often have a harder time later on.

I co-wrote a book on helping women age with a psychologist, Vivian Diller, who specializes in treating many models and dancers as they age out of their professions. I asked her about Zellweger’s treatment last week and she said, “Women under the spotlight struggle with a double bind: don’t do work and they are criticized for looking old. But when they do get work done, they’re judged for having given in.” Diller promises that even many young beauties she treats feel either insecure or suspicious that the only reason they are desired is because of their looks.

For many of us -- even out of the public eye -- these are real concerns. Where does our feminism leave off and our narcissism begin? How does the Forever Young generation come of age with integrity?

I suffered real psychological repercussions after some neck/chin cosmetic work, so I empathize with anyone who has her own very personal reasons for making changes that may truly represent how they feel inside.

I also get that these things don’t amount to a hill of beans in a world filled with disease, famine, wars and gun violence. Yet, obviously people are incessantly interested and even cruel. Leave Renee Zellweger’s new face alone.

Michele Willens is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in the New York Times, the Daily Beast and the Atlantic. She also edited “FACE IT: What Women Really Feel As Their Looks Change.”

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