As I sat down to write this piece about the
Of course, I'm kidding. USC has a great football team that is very competitive. And I'm sure that the L.A. Times could find at least five graduates who know how to spell and form sentences (they probably learned in high school).
Of course, I'm kidding. What I said first was correct: USC probably does not have a single current or former student that knows how to spell or write.
Of course, I'm kidding. USC has an incredibly proud sports tradition. And many smart and gifted people have walked that campus -- including one of my comedy heroes,
Of course, I'm kidding. That's what's so fun about this rivalry -- under the seething hatred and malicious jokes, there is an intense respect. It is essential to respect your enemies. And I have a very deep, honest respect for USC. And that's something I'm not kidding about.
Look, who knows what will happen come Saturday. But one thing is for sure: at the end of the day, no matter who wins on the field, the UCLA fans will carpool home in their Honda Civic Hybrids and USC fans will caravan in their Hummers with those dumb license plates that say that UCLA students will work for them someday. One team will celebrate and the other will stew for a few months until they get another crack at each other on the basketball court.
I love hating USC. It's what I was raised to do. Don't hate me for it, USC. Or maybe I should spell it in a way that makes sense to your tiny little USC brains:
Don't hat me.
Of course, I'm kidding.