Opinion: Redheaded stepchild beats up on persnickety columnist, vows to stop drinking as soon as she’s of age

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The Opinion pages’ own Patt Morrison has been drawn into the fearful sphere of Lindsay Lohan, as the fiery starlet defends her right to be as adequite as she wants ta be.Last week, Morrison gave a bemused close reading in the Huffington Post to Lohan’s grammatically uninhibited public letter of condolence to the family of the late Robert Altman. Now Lohan’s publicist, slow to anger but implacable when roused, has fired back.

‘She was devastated,’ says Lohan spokeswoman Lesley Sloane. ‘[The letter] was written very quickly and from the heart.’ Sloane claimed that the letter was written in haste on a Blackberry, but failed to explain why this heartfelt statement of sympathy was also released to the media. On the plus side, Sloane, apparently not a stickler on matters of usage, failed to hit the columnist where she is most vulnerable: by noting that Morrison’s Huff Post bio calls her book, Rio L.A. ‘the story of the city’s improbably river.’ Live by the typo, die by the typo...

Sadly our moment of reflected glory hath all too short a date. Lohan has already moved on to a new triumph by letting it slip that she’s now in A.A. ‘And by the way,’ Sloane gamely adds, ‘she’s not saying...she’ll stop drinking tomorrow.’ Legally speaking, Lohan is not yet old enough to be drinking at all, but anything that keeps her off the road vastly increases the safety of all Angelenos, so we won’t quibble.