2011’s wackiest ‘Housewives’ mommy moments


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Forget those mommy-and-me classes and all those pricey subscriptions to parenting magazines. For mothers looking for ways to bond with and/or raise their child, one need look no further than the sages of the ‘Real Housewives’ franchise.

When they’re not hurling expletives at each other while belly dancing or trying to write another cookbook we don’t really need, some of them are mom’s unknowingly serving as reference guides on how to rear children. Here are our favorite gems from 2011.


Let them into your drama so they can write sad songs: The last season of ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’ mostly centered on the family feud between Teresa and her little Hulk of a brother Joe. Christenings turned into UFC matches and holiday dinners were full of passive-aggressive insults. It all took a toll on Teresa’s daughter Gia, who penned an agonizing musical plea for her mother and uncle to make amends. The song was about how she wakes up in the morning and goes to school and worries so much and puts makeup on, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do as Teresa does when the singing is over, clap and say, ‘Yay!’

Let it out: ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ newbie Brandi Glanville is a self-proclaimed hippie who likes to let it all hang out -- her often braless outfits suggest as much. So it’s no surprise that when it comes to matters of the toilet she’s just as free-spirited. If that means her little boy has to wee-wee on Adrienne Maloof’s lawn during a barbecue, so be it. And he did -- we’re sure he did it so his mother wouldn’t have to endure the shame of hobbling to the bathroom on her crutches.

Instill the importance of appearance: First impressions are everything. And when Kim Zolciak’s baby boy popped out, she wanted to ensure she greeted him with her best wig ensemble. Kim transported three wigs propped on mannequin heads to the hospital in the backseat of a vehicle -- with the seat belts locked to make sure they stayed in place. Nothing says ‘Happy Birth Day’ like an extra-virgin olive oiled head of hair that isn’t your own.

Encourage bilingualism: Dana Wilkey (‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’) has a thing for Cavalli shorts, $25,000 sunglasses and incredibly sad-looking theme parties. She also likes to yammer on about how her 2-year-old can not only speak -- but also read -- Thai. Yeah, right! Well, she called our bluff, posting this video. Though, not being Thai-speakers ourselves, we can’t really confirm what he’s saying. But if he’s anything like his mother it’s probably something to the effect of, ‘This shirt cost $14,600.’

Give them only the best for their birthday -- an ‘American Idol’ reject: We’re pretty sure Taylor Armstrong’s 5-year-old daughter has no idea who Ace Young is -- how do we know? Because we barely remember him! So we weren’t quite sure why he was enlisted to perform at the young girl’s birthday party. Yes, we know it was a gift from Dana (which automatically renders it headscratching), but still. She’s FIVE. Could Dana really not find a $5,000 coloring book?

What are your favorite ‘Housewife’ parenting scenes?


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-- Yvonne Villarreal