Carol Wells Advises a Suspicious Husband
The field of 22 semifinalists for the “Ann Landers” job at the Chicago Sun-Times was narrowed to seven finalists after answers to four questions were submitted to the newspaper. Here is one of those questions, with Carol Wells’ response.
DEAR SO-AND-SO: Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I think my wife is playing around on me. Even worse, I think she’s fooling around with my younger brother.
I don’t have any real evidence, just a gut feeling. Whenever my brother’s around, Fiona lights up like a Christmas tree--starts talking a mile a minute, laughing, cracking jokes. I’ve always thought we have a good marriage, but she’s never that animated when she talks to me. Also, in the last three months she’s had more than the usual number of work-related “dinner engagements.” Her job does require that she entertain clients, and I can’t prove she’s not having a harmless dinner.
We still have sex a couple of times a week--about average for us--so I can’t complain on that score.
I love both Fiona and my brother, and I don’t want to accuse either of them without some solid evidence. On the other hand, I’d hate to be the chump who’s the last to know. And frankly, if they are having an affair, I don’t want to see either of them ever again.
How do I resolve this dilemma?
BITING MY NAILS
DEAR BITING MY NAILS: The best way to avoid being a chump is to improve the communication between you and your wife. Your hesitation to talk to her about your feelings indicates you are not comfortable being open with her.
No accusation is necessary. Simply tell her you have noticed how animated she is around your brother lately and that you feel insecure about the situation (this won’t be easy).
If she isn’t sensitive to your honest concerns, then I would start to worry about whether you have a good marriage. Married couples need to be able to express their insecurities with each other without fear of ridicule.
So stop biting your nails and bite the bullet instead. Take a risk. Tell her how you feel.