Brightening the Holidays : Orangewood Counselers Go All Out to Put Smiles on Small, Sad Faces

Fun is the sole occupation of Sonja E. Detert, a woman with a throaty voice who could charm the ayatollah himself to place a friendly Christmas call to Ronald Reagan.

For 28 years, Detert has worked with abused and neglected children in Orange County. And for the last 14, she has been solely responsible for providing those children with the best possible Christmas.

During the holiday season, she spends most of the day collecting clothes and toys from donors--anything the 170 kids who live at Orangewood Children’s Home, the county’s facility for abused and neglected children, can use.

Afflicted with polio and a dislocated hip since shortly after birth, Detert, 51, buzzes around the grounds of the home in a donated electric cart. The children living at Orangewood are getting the best of everything this Christmas--tree-trimming experiences, lots of gifts and parties.

Her business card notifies the world that she is the coordinator of community programs for Orangewood, but providing and having fun is Detert’s true vocation.

“Anything that has to do with fun is my responsibility,” she proudly says. “I really think of my job as the neatest job in the whole county.”

But Detert’s job is a tough one. Although Orangewood is funded by the county, it must rely heavily on the generosity of the community.

“If you take everything that was donated away from here, there would be nothing left,” she says. “Besides, there’s nothing in the county budget for fun things, so I have to find them for the children.”

Detert got a limousine service company to provide free, high-style transportation for the kids to attend a Christmas boat parade. The Sheraton Anaheim Hotel held a party for 88 of the children, and Disneyland sent over characters to entertain them one afternoon. Another 40 watched South Coast Repertory’s presentation of “A Christmas Carol.”

Always cheerful and always prodding with her hoarse, laughing voice, Detert usually gets what she wants from the donors through gentle arm-twisting.

One caller wanted to donate football equipment. Detert cringed, rolled her eyes and then pounced on her prey.

“We don’t really need cleats. We don’t play football that intensely here,” she said before bellowing out a terrific laugh. “But we do need your help, and we are short on boys’ shoes and corduroy pants.”

The caller quickly abandoned the football idea and promised to donate the needed clothing.

Detert acknowledges that perhaps these abused and neglected children get too much materially during the Christmas season. William G. Steiner, the former director of Orangewood and now executive director of the Orangewood Foundation, remembers a child who once voiced his exasperation at having Santa Claus make appearances at eight Christmas parties he attended one holiday season.

“Maybe the kids get too much, but I can’t help that,” Detert said. “I just want to give them as much fun as possible during Christmas. That’s all. Once a year, you can’t do enough for these children. They’ve already suffered so much.”

However, the sad realization for most of these kids, who have known too much fear and abuse in their brief lives, is that they will not be home for the holidays. And that pain is always evident in their eyes.

“Regardless of how nice you make the Christmas for the children, they will not be home,” Detert said. “And home is home. They get very weepy and sad, because they are not home.”

Indeed, it is a bittersweet period for these children. They laugh and they marvel at their good Christmas fortune made possible by Detert and the countless generous folks around the county.

But their eyes quickly saddened and their heads turned gently downward when they were asked about what it is like not to be home with Mom and Dad at Christmas. Esau Carrillo, 11, and his five siblings had a Mom and Dad last Christmas, but eight months ago the father murdered the mother and then killed himself. The children are now alone.

Esau, with beautiful black hair and a sweet face, joined his buddies one night in wrapping presents for his three sisters, who live in a foster home in Huntington Beach, and two brothers. He had chosen makeup sets for his sisters and model cars for his brothers.

Esau is a friendly child and a favorite among the residents of the Orangewood’s Junior Boys Cottage. The dozen or so other boys at the cottage have a particularly warm regard for him, and he reciprocates.

But when reminded of his grief, Esau’s voice cracks and he battles a tear.

“I don’t know what it will be like on Christmas day. It will be nice to be with my brothers and sisters. Hopefully, it will be a nice Christmas,” he says.

Hopefully, by next Christmas, the Carrillo children will have adoptive parents and will have put some emotional distance from their deep sorrow.

At the party at the Sheraton Anaheim Hotel, sweet, bubbly Amy (not her real name), just 6 years old, couldn’t tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. Finally, head bowed politely, she whispers, “I guess I just want to be happy,” perhaps revealing the misery she must have endured in her short life.

Joey is sensitive and ill at ease with strangers, even friendly ones. He is not afraid; Joey just has not had a very happy life. He and his 14-year-old brother, Paul, were treated badly by their parents, often beaten severely. He rarely smiles.

“I’m here because of child abuse,” he says matter-of-factly, his almost-charcoal black eyes turning away.

Despite the abuse at home, Joey misses his parents and truly wishes he could be with them at Christmas, although on this holiday he undoubtedly will have the biggest bonanza of his life. But he has no illusions about his desire to be at home and long ago reconciled to being lonely at Christmas.

“I’d really like to be home. But I know I’m better off here. See, they really care about me here. People are nice to me,” Joey says.

At Orangewood, the children are asked to write Dear Santa letters to determine what they want for Christmas. For doing chores, they are rewarded with tokens that they use to buy presents for their brothers and sisters, even their parents if they want. The gifts they “purchase” are among the new toys donated to Orangewood.

“It allows them to give, and that’s very important for them,” Detert said.

Many donors ask to present their gifts personally to the children. But because the identity of the children must remain confidential, donors are not allowed to meet them when gifts are delivered.

Other people call to invite the children into their home at Christmas, thinking it would be nice for them to spend time in a home setting, complete with the traditional meal.

But that also is not allowed.

“We don’t allow that because it can do more harm sometimes to leave them in a strange home,” Detert says. “We just can’t allow them to go out. They are among friends here, and we can help them immediately if they get upset.

“You have to understand this is a very, very tough time for them, no matter how much we do for them.”

Until late last week, Edward clung to the impossible notion that somehow he and his four sisters would be home for Christmas. He also wished for a white Christmas, recalling the time in Arkansas when he first saw snow.

But the freckled youngster with curly, auburn hair and crystal-green eyes finally conceded that he wouldn’t be home for Christmas. He was riding on a bus on the way to a party when he admitted that his Christmas wish would not be fulfilled. The wind blew and a cold drizzle spattered the window.

“I wanted to be home and I wanted snow for Christmas. But it will be OK. Maybe I can play football at Christmas,” said Edward, refusing to cry.

A visitor to Orangewood came away with the certain feeling that most of these abused and neglected children greatly appreciate the kindness shown them at Christmas. They seem more appreciative of the love they receive than the toys and the clothes.

At the Junior Boys Cottage, a nine-foot Christmas tree was completely covered with decorations and artificial snow. Each of the dozen boys residing there had lent a hand. When the two-hour job was completed, they watched one of their counselors crown it with an angel.

Spontaneously, the boys clapped, and then two of the smaller boys stood in front of it. They hugged tenderly and looked up to the tree, eyes transfixed.

“I bet that’s the bestest Christmas tree anywhere,” one marveled as the other nodded agreement.

And while the children were being entertained in their cottages or being transported all over the county to parties and Christmas shows, Sonja Detert pressed a little harder to get last-minute donations to fulfill all the children’s wishes.

“Thank you for your help, and I guarantee you this will not be the last time I call on you,” she told one woman who had dropped off two boxes of toys and clothes.

Later, accelerating her electric cart down a sidewalk, Detert gushed with enthusiasm.

“We’re getting wound up now. This is really the most exciting time of the year for us.”