Vandalism : The surly punk jokesters will terrorize and deafen fans at Mogs on Saturday. No vegetable plates, please.

In 455, the Vandals sacked Rome, 1536 years later they’re coming to Ventura.

If the Encyclopedia Americana can be trusted, there are 79,996 fewer Vandals now than there used to be, but these four are probably nearly as rowdy, and their hair is much shorter. It’s going to be an all-ages punk-thrash extravaganza Saturday night at Mogs Night Club, home of no beer, no booze of any kind, no kidding.

These Vandals originated in Orange County, and now, like everyone else south of Ventura County, they are heading north. They won’t be moving here, just visiting.

Firm believers in variety, the band has released four albums on four labels during the last 10 years. The new one is “Fear of a Punk Planet,” which is gnarly enough to scare Public Enemy into becoming ultraconservatives, or causing Farrah Fawcett-Majors to change her name, but more on that later.

Besides being surly and loud, the Vandals are also pretty funny. They aren’t unlike a West Coast version of the Dead Milkmen, where fast and funny are one and the same. And the band even performs a public service by giving hope to the hopeless because “Girls Turn 18 Every Day.”

And check this out--the joke’s on you--bass player/songwriter/bandleader Joe Escalante is about to get his law degree. His specialty is anti-trust law. He could sue your parents if you don’t go to the show.

In a recent phone interview, Escalante described the life and times of the Vandals.

How’s the tour, the new album and all that?

The Ventura show won’t be part of the tour; we’re just cruising up for the weekend. The real tour will begin in October. We’ll go all across the U.S., then on to Europe. Right now, all we want to do is make up for the last album, which came out in 1988. We’ve never been on the same label twice; you end up becoming part of your label’s problems.

Does everyone in Orange County want to move up here?

I live in L.A. now, but I grew up in Orange County, and I think it’s getting better all the time. Orange County has everything: Disneyland, South Coast Plaza and the beach. What else is there?

Your bio says you guys have “ . . . returned to your punk roots . . . . “ What have you been doing, masquerading as Bon Jovi?

We had a guitar player who wanted to play cowpunk and we didn’t. So we got rid of him. He got so old he didn’t want to play punk anymore.

What’s cowpunk?

Everything is so speeded up, you can’t tell anyway. Our new album is representative of what you’d see if you came to the show. Our last album is an anomaly.

Your bio also notes that the band began as a “hard-core joke band.” What’s so funny?

We’re not a political band is all that means. In the early days of punk, we were into the Clash and the Sex Pistols and we used to go to L.A. all the time to see bands like the Germs and the Weirdos. In Huntington Beach, it seemed like every single person was in a band. Ours was just more popular than the others. Bad Religion found us, took us on tour with them, and signed us to their label, Epitaph, and got us going.

What’s the Orange County music scene like?

We need more all-ages clubs down there. The exciting time for music is when you’re a teen-ager, when the musicians are young and the fans are young.

Is punk getting bigger or smaller and/or why hasn’t it gone away?

In the media, punk is getting smaller. It’s almost gone. Sure, to them, it’s dead, but the money keeps getting better. So if the media isn’t paying attention, it doesn’t exist, but then why are the checks getting bigger?

Where have all the punks gone?

Punks, by definition, weren’t a rebellion, but rather a subculture. They didn’t take over, they just blended in. The hippies became society, the punks just blended in. Anyway, our typical fan is a 160-pound overweight from East L.A.

Will Buffy Co-Ed be intimidated at the show?

No, definitely not--we get a lot of them at our shows because we get a lot of commercial airplay on KROQ and 91X.

This seems kind of unusual. How did you go from being the drummer to being the bass player?

I didn’t like the drums. They make a lot of noise, and it seemed that the bass player is always the most irresponsible member of a band. Also, in the Vandals, the bass player had become sort of a revolving door position. I stopped that; now it’s the drummers who come and go.

What’s this song “The Day Farrah Fawcett Died” all about? Also, are Kim Basinger and Christina Applegate safe?

Yeah, they’re safe, but someday Farrah Fawcett is going to die and people will be scrambling to pay tribute to her, so we did one. You know Farrah; she’s too modest to do something like this herself, so we’re doing it for her.

What’s the best and worst thing about your job?

The best thing is traveling, definitely. We started out with a 280Z and a Honda Civic, then we went to two vans, then a motor home. We’re also in this for the girls and for money. Another cool thing is a P.O. box. Girls will never find out where you live; they think you live in a P.O. box. The worst thing is vegetarians on the road. At the clubs, there’s always some Hare Krishna bringing us a vegetable plate.

What’s the most misunderstood thing about the Vandals?

Since we’re not political, people automatically assume that we are fascists.

The Vandals played with Grandmaster Flash and Public Enemy. Why?

Some people in concert promotion have a sense of humor. We never seem to play with anyone who would help our careers like maybe a tour with Suicidal Tendencies.

How ‘bout those Dodgers?

Since I’m the only original member of the band left, I think we’re more like the Lakers--we keep trading up for better players. And I like the Dodgers. That’s one of the reasons we signed with Triple X Records--they have Dodger season tickets.

Good answer.