Sending Yuletide Cheer With Christmas Cards From the Edge

I could blame it on the U.S. Postal Service, or my personal secretary (if I had one), but I’ll confess:

I have yet to send out the last of my Christmas cards.

So, in the name of saving myself money, and a lot of icky envelope licking, here’s a few final Christmas greetings to those who make this job interesting.

To Mike Milner, former Fountain Valley football coach, who took over the El Toro program this year--and finished 3-6-1:

So the season wasn’t too joyous,

You might say it stank,

All those hopes and goals,

Right into the tank.

Injuries, inexperience ,

Adjustments every day,

Strange to see El Toro,

In such disarray.

May the holidays bring you peace,

And a piece of pumpkin pie,

Might as well feed your psyche,

And then kiss this year goodby.

To Mater Dei Coach Bruce Rollinson:

Oh, what a Christmas, eh, Brucie boy?

You’ve been already granted the ultimate joy.

A Division I title--such greatness, such glory!

Could things be more hunky dory?

Don’t forget to thank those supporting folks,

Even the refs--the ones you called jokes.

One last thing, before you nestle down in bed,

Don’t let all this stuff go to your head.

Sure, around Mater Dei, you might be the favorite,

But a contender for the Rams job? Just forget it.

To Santa Ana football Coach Dick Hill, who overtook Herb Hill this year on the county’s leader in career victories and is now 196-87-3:

You topped that other Hill,

It’s a tribute, you see,

To be the winningest coach,

In county history.

Sure, it took a few games,

Before the record was yours,

Now it’s time to retire,

Like all good dinosaurs.

Hey, ho, ho!

Just a bit of holiday fun.

You keep on coaching

Until your last game is won.

To the biggest surprise of the 1991 football playoffs . . . the City of Irvine ?

The ultimate master - planned community,

Couldn’t have planned for this.

Irvine, University and Woodbridge ,

All in a state of bliss?

All three went to the semifinals ,

Fans packed the stands ,

Even those yuppie sophisticates ,

Managed to clap their hands.

Then Irvine High won Division II ,

An incredible season it did cap ,

Could it be that Irvine’s wimpy image ,

Is simply a bad rap?

To Valencia Coach Mike Marrujo, who for once in his down-playing life admitted early this year that the Tigers were not lacking in talent, then went on to win the Division VI title:

So you won your 100th game,

And yawned at the fact,

Saying “I had nothing else to do,”

Or something like that.

Your team’s always stocked with talent,

You call all the right plays,

Do you get bored of winning?

Does it put you in a daze?

Why don’t you try something new?

On football, you have such a lock.

Perhaps you could try your hand,

At bringing back punk rock.

To Madame Paula, Santa Ana psychic, who was three for eight on football playoff predictions (that we paid 40 bucks to hear).

Merry Christmas, Madame Paula, my dear,

Busy with predictions for the new year?

Staring into that crystal ball? Looking for clues?

Or are you out spending my money on lovely new shoes?

Tustin, you prophesied, would lose right away,

They made it to the final, now what do you say?

I mean, you predicted great things for El Dorado ,

Please stay away from me when I play Lotto!

In that regard, have I got a prediction for you :

You’ll find a new line of work before the end of ’92.

Happy holidays!