FOR THE KIDS : The Unthinkable : A Ventura company offers ID cards for children and ideas on how to prevent abductions or disappearances.

It can happen in the grocery store, the park, in Toys ‘R Us. You turn your back for a few seconds and he’s gone.

At first you can’t believe it and call his name. Then panic sets in, and you search frantically for the toddler who seldom is out of your sight.

At best, he turns up in the cookie aisle or behind a tree at the park. At worst, he becomes a statistic, one of the thousands of missing children reported each year in the United States:

* According to a study by the U. S. Department of Justice, there were 354,100 abductions by non-custodial family members in 1990.

* Another 114,600 children were the victims of attempted abductions by non-family members, such as a passing motorist trying to lure a child into a car.

* The same year, 438,200 children were lost, injured or missing, for times ranging from a few minutes to overnight.

A number of companies have cropped up recently that sell children’s identification cards for parents to keep in their wallets, just in case the nightmare happens to them. The laminated cards generally contain a photo, a thumbprint, the child’s weight, height, and any special markings, such as a mole.

When the unthinkable happens, the card speaks for the distraught parent, providing quick, valuable information to police. At least, that’s the theory behind them.

One of the newest cards on the market comes from a Ventura woman who seven months ago founded a company called Secure Child. For $10, Starla DuBois offers a package that includes the card and a packet with information on such topics as how to prevent a child from being abducted or lost, what to do when it happens and how to gently talk to children about the subject.

“We assume kids are so above being abducted,” DuBois said. “We just can’t think that way.”

Ventura psychologist Margaret Stoklosa, who consulted with DuBois before the marketing of Secure Child, agrees.

“Kids need to know those kinds of things,” Stoklosa said. “In society today, you can’t neglect telling them how to be safe. You don’t have to bring it up every day. Use common sense. Talk about it in a matter-of-fact way.”

Stoklosa said it’s not necessary to go into scary details about what might happen to them in the hands of a stranger.

DuBois suggests that parents talk with their children about school, day care, the playground and friends, and she encourages them to discuss anything that has made them feel uncomfortable.

She also encourages role-playing: What would you do if a stranger offered you a ride? What if someone grabbed you? (Scream: “This is not my Mom/Dad.”)

DuBois offers her service at day-care centers, schools, Boys and Girls Clubs and special events. She takes a color snapshot of the child and checks his weight and height. Parents then fill in other pertinent information. They receive the cards in the mail within three weeks and are advised to go through the procedure again each year.

So far, DuBois said she has produced more than 1,000 cards. At the Ventura Police Department’s block party in May, she turned out 120. She also offers the cards to schools as a fund-raising event, giving back $1 to the school on each card she sells.

Only a few parents showed up recently when DuBois set up shop at the Boys and Girls Club in Ventura. But one taker was Albert Arroyo of Fillmore, who attended with his 5-year-old son, David.

“I’ve only got one kid,” Arroyo said. “If anything happened to him, it would be terrible. You hear about this all the time and you always think it won’t happen to you. We’re just trying to take every precaution.”

At $10, Secure Child is more expensive than other national companies on the market with local representatives.

Safe-T-Child, of Austin, Tex., offers a child I.D. card for $6 or a $25 package that includes two cards, a cassette on safety and a parents’ workshop.

Ident-A-Kid, in Florida, offers an I.D. card for $5. The company, which annually sells three million cards nationwide, sends a representative to about 70 schools in Ventura County each year, said local program director Marc Bakerman.

Most police departments will fingerprint children for free.

“We encourage parents to participate in our free identification days,” said Dee Martinez, Simi Valley’s crime prevention specialist. (The next one is Oct. 10 at Mountain Gate Plaza from 1 to 4 p.m.) The department, which also works through the schools, fingerprinted about 500 children last year.

The fingerprint form used by the Police Department also includes descriptive information about the child and a place for the parent to glue a photograph. The card, kept at home, can be pulled out and given to police in an emergency.

Martinez advises parents to bring children aged 3 to 12 for fingerprinting. Younger children are too difficult to fingerprint, and hospital records are sufficient.

The laminated cards offered by different companies are “an excellent idea,” Martinez said, as long as the person doing the fingerprinting does a good job.

“It takes a lot of practice to get good prints,” she said. “You have to roll the finger, and it can smear.”

* WHERE AND WHEN

For information about Secure Child, call Starla DuBois at 648-2357. For information about Ident-A-Kid, call Marc Bakerman, 818-340-8646.

PROTECTING A CHILD

Starla DuBois’s Secure Child folder provides parents with advice on how to prevent a missing child incident and what to do if it happens:

* Don’t display your child’s name on his clothing. A stranger will use a name to make the child feel more secure.

* Never leave your child alone in public places. Arrange for the child to walk to and from school with a friend.

* Designate which routes your child is to use and enforce boundaries for play.

* Practice “love protection.” Children who feel loved and valued are more likely to take good care of themselves.

* Have your child memorize his full name, address, parents’ place of employment and telephone numbers. Teach him how to use the telephone.

* Choose a secret code--anything the child can remember, like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles--and tell him that only someone who knows the code can pick him up at school or anywhere else.

* In cases of parental abductions, a child’s passport is often sought. The custodial parent is advised to already have a passport because a subsequent application for one would trigger questioning.

* If your child is missing, search all the obvious places, retracing his steps, but don’t wait to call the police. They will respond immediately.