It Was an Agonizing, Touching, Ironic Year

Postscripts from the edge:

A Valentine’s Day Wedding to Break Your Heart: It was a fine February day for a wedding, and one that was overdue for Robert Molina, 31, and Crystal Orozco, 27, since they already had three children. But it was hard to get past what awaited them. Molina was suffering from AIDS, and the wedding had been made possible by the generosity of staffers and volunteers at Bethesda House, the Salvation Army’s Downtown shelter for families with AIDS.

The honeymoon was short for Robert and Crystal. He suffered a stroke three months after the wedding and died on May 29, leaving Crystal to care for Phillip, 6, Desirae, 4, and Joshua, 2.

Crystal is living in a Whittier apartment, waiting to get Joshua into day care so she can attend school to get her GED. After that, she hopes to become an emergency medical technician.

Christmas wasn’t very grand this year. Crystal lent the money she was planning to spend on the children to a relative, who has refused to repay her.

I don’t know if Crystal remembers this, but on her wedding day, Robert told me about a conversation he’d had with a friend: “She said, ‘Why get married, then die?’ ”

Robert’s reply: “Why give up?”

*

A Mother and Child Reunion: It was an irresistible twist to the classic immigration tale. Carmen, a 34-year-old Salvadoran legal immigrant, had become so fearful of her 15-year-old daughter’s flirtation with street gangs in the Valley that she decided to send her somewhere safe: back to El Salvador.

The child, Maria, had been conceived during a rape in Carmen’s native land, and Carmen had fled the country after that, leaving the 7-month-old Maria with a sister until Maria was 4. Maria had never been told the circumstances of her conception, nor had she understood why her mother had left. But her adolescent rebellion seemed centered on the feeling that her mother had resented and abandoned her.

When Carmen showed the column to Maria, it sparked first an emotional upheaval, then a rapprochement. Maria stayed. She told the “crew” she’d been hanging with that she had head lice, which, according to Carmen, “was the beginning of her being put aside. They said, ‘Oh, my God, you are so filthy.’ After that, they didn’t want anything to do with her.”

Carmen says Maria got a fresh start when she began high school in September. The girl, Carmen says, “is still angry and upset, but she is more calm than she was. She is doing pretty well in school. She has even found a boyfriend who is nice and clean. I am very optimistic.”

*

A Rebirth of Optimism: Last summer, Shari Davis and Wendy Read were grappling with wrenching family tragedies. Both had recently experienced stillbirths. They had met through a nurse who had attended them both and had thrown themselves into a pregnancy loss support group. They wanted people to know that stillbirth is not uncommon; that it can happen to anyone; that it remains, for the most part, a medical mystery, and that support groups are a critical way of addressing the feelings of loneliness and isolation that follow.

As it happens, Davis, Read and three of the other four women in their support group are well into pregnancies now, and feeling optimistic.

Says Davis: “I am convinced that my son’s death was caused by some extremely out-of-the-ordinary thing that does not have a pattern to it. It’s like a bolt of lightning striking and I don’t think lightning would strike twice. But I do feel more vulnerable in general, just knowing how many things can go wrong with a pregnancy.

“The flip side is you so much appreciate the miracle of bringing life into the world.”

*

The Never-Ending Story, Civil Division: Sheila Styron, who described herself as “Super Blind Woman” before she was hit by a Santa Monica City bus as she stood on a sidewalk nearly three years ago, finally got her day in court. After many postponements, her civil case went to trial in Santa Monica Superior Court in October, three months after I wrote about the toll the accident had taken on her confidence.

The attorney for Santa Monica argued that Styron was at fault, that her injuries were minor and that she had suffered no lasting psychological damage.

But a unanimous jury found otherwise--Styron had been standing on the sidewalk, after all, when the bus sharply angled across the curb and struck her--and awarded her $235,000--$150,000 for her pain and suffering and $85,000 in actual economic loss.

The case isn’t closed yet. Styron and her attorney were back in court last week, arguing against a motion filed by the opposing attorney asking the judge to order a new trial or to reduce the award.

“I am just trying really hard to learn the art of . . . patience and acceptance,” says Styron, a professional singer and composer. “You think it’s over and then you get another set of these papers in the mail.”

*

In the Wake of a Brentwood Blood Bath: This was a busy and in some ways exhilarating season for the Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women (LACAAW), which operates a 24-hour rape and battering hot line. After the June 13 murders of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, and the release of Nicole Simpson’s 911 tapes, calls increased dramatically, with many women talking about not wanting to “end up like Nicole.”

“One of the gratifying parts of this year’s work is that our agency was able to be part of a national teach-in on domestic violence,” says LACAAW Executive Director Patti Giggans. “The hard part is we are still struggling to provide more and better services. There are still so many holes.”

In the coming year, LACAAW will rededicate itself to prevention, to reaching adolescents and teen-agers with its dating violence curriculum presented in schools. Research shows that about a third of teen dating relationships involve some sort of abusive behavior, from controlling and intimidation to physical violence.

“You have to keep working on stopping this stuff,” Giggans says, “and we are now focusing on kids.”

When O.J. Simpson’s murder trial begins next year, Giggans and her colleagues anticipate another window of opportunity to educate the public about domestic violence, should the defense attempt to portray Nicole Simpson as an abusive wife.

*

Why I Love This Job: Last January, Miki Jackson was struggling to raise money to buy some commercial-sized washing machines and dryers for Aunt Bee’s, the laundry and thrift store she runs on Santa Monica Boulevard in Hollywood. The business is one of the less glamorous AIDS charities; its volunteers do laundry for the sick and dying. The thrift store helps support the costs of the laundry and allows Aunt Bee’s to donate merchandise such as used clothes and household goods to needy people with AIDS.

A few days after I wrote about Aunt Bee’s, I received a call from the secretary of a wealthy businessman, who was interested in donating money for the machines.

“Just find out how much they need,” she instructed me.

I called her back and cringed as I told her the price: $9,000.

“Fine,” she said crisply. “I’ll have a check on your desk tomorrow.”

Aunt Bee’s was able to purchase three washing machines and three dryers. A year ago the laundry served 40 people with AIDS. The new equipment has made it possible to serve 200.

The businessman insisted on anonymity. All I know is this was not the first time he was moved to such an act of kindness by a newspaper story.

Thank you, sir. Whoever you are.

* Robin Abcarian’s column is published Wednesdays and Sundays.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

Abcarian On-Line

* Missed one of Robin Abcarian’s columns? There’s always a collection of recent ones available through TimesLink, the on-line service of the Los Angeles Times. Sign on and “jump” to keyword “Abcarian.”

Details on Times electronic services, B4.