A real bang-up place:You may have heard...

A real bang-up place:

You may have heard of the new bumper-car concession on the Santa Monica Pier, the one called “SigAlert.” Well, here’s another tribute to L.A.’s car culture.

Powerhouse Entertainment is coming out with “Collision,” a live-action CD-ROM game. It’s described as a “futuristic car-smashing thriller set in post-apocalyptic America, where players must smash their way out of a collision arena, dodging hell-raising rebels and weapon-toting vehicles.”

It was filmed at a junkyard in Van Nuys.

Guess the San Diego Freeway wasn’t available.

HEY, THIS CAR SURE RUNS QUIETLY! Nancy Riley of Hacienda Heights came across an ad in a PennySaver for a vehicle that may have been the loser in a car-smashing thriller of its own.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: William Gelband of Downey, who spotted today’s sign at an area hospital, asks: Is it me or is this sign unappetizing?”

WRONG SIDE OF THE HILL: We mentioned that in an episode of CBS’ “Cybill,” Cybill Shepherd finds out that her daughter has run away to an all-night party in Burbank and groans: “Burbank? Why would she want to hurt me that way?”

But we described Shepherd’s character as an actress who lives on the Westside. Actually, she looks down on Burbank from Sherman Oaks.

WORDINESS IS NOT NEXT TO GODLINESS: On the subject of unintentionally humorous resumes, Karen Axelrod of Learning Tree International sent along a cover letter she received. The job applicant, evidently a graduate of the Excessive Use of a Thesaurus School of Writing, concluded thusly (take a deep breath):

“Though I would prefer to know a little more about the position before determining an equitable salary, I would first emit as I’m a young professional currently employed by a chapter of an exemplary university as an assistant buyer for $4 million department, who wouldn’t dare undermine this excellent opportunity, and as one with the volition and proven ability for successfully completing simultaneous tasks, meeting deadlines and working well under pressure both independently and as a team player, I feel that $28,000/year might be acceptable.”

The applicant had a way with words, you have to emit.

SPEAKING OF JOBS: Paula Van Gelder of L.A. saw an opening in a Westside newspaper for “Resident Manager for Prime Beverly Hills Luxurious 16 Units Apartment Building.”

It added:

“Please Fax Resume to:

“POSITION FILLED.”

AND DON’T TRY TO FLOAT TO BURBANK ON IT: Matthew Clampitt, age 4, was given a six-inch-long inflatable parrot along with his purchase at a fast-food shop in Long Beach. A warning on the parrot said: “Not to Be Used as a Life Preserver.”

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No sooner did we discuss the “Las Vegas Has Heart” slogan, devised by L.A. publicist Chris Harris, than World Artists Home Video in L.A. notified us of another possible motto. It’s the title of a movie: “I Don’t Hate Las Vegas Anymore.”