LAUGH LINES

Wishy Washy: “Al Gore has come under fire the last couple of weeks. . . . He used to be pro-life. Now he’s pro-choice. He used to be against gun control. Now he’s for gun control. . . . They say to win, Gore needs to appeal to the undecided voter. But it sounds to me like Al Gore is the undecided voter.” (Jay Leno)

Kids’ Stuff: “George W. Bush recently taped a brief interview with Nickelodeon. It was supposed to be a longer interview, but the kids’ questions were way too hard.” (Conan O’Brien)

Immoral Values: “According to a new study, American teens tend to lie and cheat. According to the ‘Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth’: Seven in 10 high schoolers admit they’ve cheated on a test in the past year; 92% admit they have lied to their parents at some point; 78% say they have lied to teachers; and roughly 25% say they would lie to get a job. . . . The good news? The future of American politics is secure.” (Daily Scoop)

Out of This World: “Political experts say that a lot of voters are worried that [George W.] Bush isn’t up to handling something as complex as this Middle East crisis. . . . Bush answered the charges. He said, ‘It’s time for the Jews and the Muslims to stop fighting and start acting like good Christians.’ ” (Leno)

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