A donation? ... Gee ... thanks
The question for many is not whether ‘tis better to give than to receive -- but whether it’s better to donate to a charity than to buy gifts for all the usual well-fed suspects on their list.
More than any other holiday, Christmas makes us aware of those less fortunate than we are. Starving children, people awaiting cures for disease, animals abused, the environment endangered, and so on. What better way to celebrate than to send money where it is so desperately needed, instead of hunting for those cute, but often frivolous, Christmas knicks and knacks.
Ah, but it’s not that simple, as a couple in Thousand Oaks recently realized when they hosted about 60 friends at a holiday bash. All the guests brought gifts, except for one couple who showed up with a card that said they’d donated to a charity in honor of the couple.
“We were offended by that,” says the hostess, who didn’t want her name used. “Of course, we’ll never tell them how we felt. We sent a gushing thank-you note. But the truth is, these people can afford to contribute to charity whenever they want. They could easily have also taken time to buy a little token gift for us, since we are their close friends. What they did was somewhat pompous, too impersonal -- we felt as if they didn’t care.”
Informal chats with Christmas givers and receivers reveal that most think they know exactly when a charitable donation is, or is not, appropriate in place of a gift. But once they start talking about it, many realize they really haven’t a clue.
Some start out by saying that affluent people don’t really want or need gifts that just add clutter to their lives. They’d probably rather have donations to good causes made in their names. But Rose Burton, who donates her time to charities in New York, says she changed her mind about all that just this month when she received a party invitation from a “woman who probably has more money than the U.S. Mint.”
When Burton called to RSVP, the heiress’ twentysomething daughter answered. “Do you think I should bring a gift or donate to a charity in your mother’s name?” Burton asked. “Oh, please bring a gift,” the daughter said with surprising passion. “My mother loves nothing more than ripping off the paper and seeing what’s inside.”
Realtor Myra Preston recently led a visitor into her San Fernando Valley dining room, which was laden with what she calls “generic gifts.” Baskets with wine and cheese; boxes, tins and jars of candles and preserves; cookies and candy.
Preston’s sister died of breast cancer, her mother of heart disease and her father of kidney failure -- all diseases for which researchers have yet to find cures. She says she donates to all those medical causes during the year, but at Christmas, “it’s all about those who are still here, my family and friends There’s something heartwarming about giving a pretty basket filled with goodies. It’s just a token of affection, no big deal. But I think it makes people feel good to receive it -- and it makes me feel good to give it.”
Peter Gethers, a New York-based screenwriter and author, says he used to pursue a similar gift-giving scenario every year. “Then I woke up one morning and realized I just don’t want people giving me gifts I don’t really need -- and I don’t want to buy one more scarf for a friend who doesn’t need it. I feel that when the economy is tanking and people are really needy, I shouldn’t waste any money if I can possibly help it. I felt the urge to actually do something better this year.”
Gethers called all the people with whom he usually exchanges presents -- about 30 friends and family members. “I told them I wasn’t doing it this year, that I planned instead to donate to two places -- Meals on Wheels and a New York charity called Epiphany,” which assigns each volunteer a Christmas list for a needy family. The volunteers deliver their gifts to the families at a gathering at a local community center. Gethers says he was given a family of four to shop for. “I really liked going out and buying clothes for these kids, trying to figure out what each of them would want to wear....”
When she hears about the New York program, real estate agent Preston says she’d be interested in doing something like that here. “But I don’t think it should be an either-or kind of deal. I think most people with halfway decent incomes can afford to do a little of both things -- they can be thoughtful of their friends and charitable too.”
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One in a series of holiday essays.