A Day in the Life During TV’s Dog and Pony Show

It’s Day 10 of the Television Critics Assn. annual summer press tour. At the rear of a large ballroom at the Ritz-Carlton in Pasadena, one critic caresses his head in mock anguish and launches into his best Martin Sheen “Apocalypse Now” impression:

“Press tour. Shhhhhh,” the reporter moans. “I’m still at press tour.”

He and more than 200 television reporters from around the country were about midway through the three-week summit, a twice-annual “blind date” set up by the TV network publicity machine where the journalists get up close and personal with the new fall shows. The elaborately choreographed ritual, which concludes Friday, is fueled by oceans of free alcohol, mountains of free food and nonstop schmoozing of reporters, who pay for their own travel and accommodations. If there was an official press tour dance, it might be called “The Spin.”

Since July 9, much of the nation’s TV press has been hunkered down at the venerable Pasadena hotel to be relentlessly wooed by broadcast and cable networks angling for favorable stories about their upcoming fall series.

The following is a behind-the-scenes look at one day, with its grueling slate of press conferences, softball questions, cynical asides and celebrity ogling.

Before this day is over, some of the journalists will have tugged admiringly at sitcom veteran John Ritter, laughed at Drew Carey’s raunchy story about asking “The Bachelor’s” Alex Michel if he had sex with his “soul mate,” and mobbed Ben Affleck as if they were teeny-boppers.

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9:36 a.m.: Several reporters, most dressed comfortably in jeans, T-shirts and jackets, move into the first of the day’s eight press conferences held by ABC, one of the four major broadcast networks that join their cable and public television counterparts in putting on the tour. They gather in a large ballroom, where photographs of Ritter, Gregory Hines, John Madden and several other stars dominate huge color posters on the walls.

ABC executives and staffers gather at the rear of the room. Their principal duty during the sessions is to provide a laugh track and cheer the panelists. The reporters usually look on in glowering silence.

9:41 a.m.: The room darkens and George Stephanopoulos, the new solo anchor of the Sunday morning discussion show “This Week,” appears in a clip shown on two massive screens. Interrogating politicians and others, the former Clinton administration aide is hailed as a news superhero of the Beltway. Among the pronouncements: “Fearless.” “Pulling No Punches.” “He’s known from the War Room to the West Wing.” With the quick edits and rock music in the promo, Stephanopoulos comes across like a young Indiana Jones, with a microphone instead of a whip.

11:05 a.m.: The new comedy “8 Simple Rules ...,” in which parents John Ritter (“Three’s Company”) and Katey Sagal (“Married ... With Children”) deal with the budding sexuality and growing pains of their two teenage daughters, is introduced. The comedy is one of the struggling network’s high hopes for success this fall.

A beaming Ritter bounces on stage along with Sagal and several cast members and show producers. The first question: “John, you’ve been the root of launching a series a good number of times, and there is so much anticipation about this one. Is there any special anxiety this time out?”

“The anxiety is, what’s Episode 2?” Ritter quips.

11:30 a.m.: Kaley Cuoco, who plays the show’s thong-wearing 16-year-old daughter Bridget, is asked how old she is. “Um, 16,” she says. A freelance journalist leans back in her chair and mutters, “If she’s 16, I’m 16.”

11:52 a.m.: The session winds to a close and Ritter, the consummate showman who knows that a little extra stroking can go a long way with this crowd, says with a huge smile, “Thank you so much, everybody. We really appreciate this.” Sensing some reluctance by the journalists, the ABC cheering section responds dutifully with grateful applause.

11:54 a.m.: Sagal, a survivor of press tours past, exits the ballroom, being questioned by several reporters.

“I’ve been though this several times,” Sagal says after the reporters leave. “They really blasted us with ‘Married ... With Children’ .... So it’s really nice when the reporters embrace a show.”

Noon: The fact that escape is often difficult for some of the more popular celebrities is demonstrated as Ritter is accosted by a sea of quote-hungry reporters when he exits the men’s room. Publicists give up trying to pull the actor from the crowd.

“I hope he washed his hands,” someone says.

12:30 p.m.: During the session devoted to “Miracles,” a midseason drama defined by its producers as a spiritual “The X-Files,” star Skeet Ulrich is asked, “What would you consider to be the greatest miracle of your own life?”

The press tour is not exactly a breeding ground for future Ted Koppels or Dan Rathers. Though some tough and relevant questions are asked, the sessions often are peppered with fluffy or bewildering inquiries. These questions frequently result in fluffy or bewildering responses.

And Ulrich’s answer to the “miracle” question does not disappoint: “Probably the birth of our twins 16 months ago. You just can’t describe it. It’s amazing.”

2:36 p.m.: The panel for “MDs,” a new medical drama set in San Francisco, comes out. Among the cast members is “Undercover Brother” co-star Aunjanue Ellis, wearing a revealing yellow-green dress. A magazine writer leans over to ask his table mate if there’s an awards show down the street.

4:19 p.m.: An overflow crowd of reporters and publicists fills the ballroom for the session on “Push, Nevada,” a drama series developed by actor Ben Affleck and Sean Bailey, two of the executive producers of HBO’s “Project Greenlight.” Some of the reporters applaud when Affleck walks on stage.

4:30 p.m.: Affleck and Hayes patiently explain how clues in the show could lead viewers to win $1.2 million, the amount stolen in the fictional series.

A reporter asks, “What do you do in case of a tie? In case two people at the same time send in an entry saying, ‘The money is in the refrigerator.’ ”

Affleck replies with feigned anger: “First of all, you’ve now ruined it. The money was in the fridge, and now we have to change it. I knew this was too easy.” He shouts an expletive, standing up as if he is about to leave. Everyone laughs.

4:50 p.m.: The session ends, and Affleck immediately is swarmed by reporters. He can barely exit the ballroom. While publicists try to pull him away, Affleck keeps talking, trying his best to be accommodating. One reporter thrusts a script of “Good Will Hunting” at him and begs him to sign it.

7:10 p.m.: Reporters and several ABC stars go to the Tournament of Roses house in Pasadena. The days usually end with parties that feature lavish buffets with mounds of shrimp, pizza, French fries, chicken skewers and desserts.

9:30 p.m.: The party builds to a crescendo when several attendees--including ABC employees, actors and even a few reporters--start to dance to what could be their anthem: “I Will Survive.”

“Keep dancing,” one reporter says, “because by Halloween, most of you are gonna be canceled.”