What Ever Happened to Simply ‘Go Long’?

Dan Le Batard in the Miami Herald: “I ask Dolphin quarterback Ray Lucas for the name of a play, any play. ‘Deuce left jam fake belly left throwback 788 X lead,’ he says.

“I ask him what the play looks like. He starts speaking calculus.

“ ‘Motion on F to the protective side, play-action side open, left fake handoff, left spin, tight end has a seven, inside guy has a post, X runs post but has a read and, if cover 2, he fades it, pumping the eight outside to X but you have to read a series of blitz options,’ he begins.

“Yes, begins.”

Trivia time: Who was the last UCLA player to finish in the top five in the Heisman Trophy voting?

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Get used to it: Ray Ratto in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Buddy Teevens, who never met a platitude he couldn’t wring dry, found reason to praise his new team’s reaction to losing its first game, which tells you all you probably need to know about the start of the Cardinal football season.

“ ‘They were disappointed, they were upset,’ the new head coach said in trying to extract something cheery from the Cardinal’s 34-27 loss to Boston College on Saturday. ‘That’s to their credit.’

“That’s comforting then. The Cardinal dislikes losing. You never like to see it the other way.”

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Unbeatable? Steve Hummer in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “All those around the South on Florida Gator burial detail will be gassing up the backhoes and honing the pickaxes this morning.

“But first, a caution. All that happened Saturday was that poor [Coach] Ron Zook did no better or worse against Miami than his sly, sainted/demonized predecessor ...

“The realist walked away from this one knowing that [Steve] Spurrier’s former team can’t beat Miami, and wondering whether his current one [the Washington Redskins] could do much better.”

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More Spurrier: [He] has been christened with several nicknames over the years, from “Super Steve” as the Heisman-winning trophy quarterback at Florida to “Steve Superior” and “Darth Visor” by those who love to hate him as a coach, but “Shiny Pants”?

“You know, one of those guys who wouldn’t want to get his pants dirty,” former Louisiana State defensive coordinator Carl Reese said in 1997.

The nickname is attributed to Rollie Dotsch, coach of the USFL’s Birmingham Stallions when Spurrier was coach of the Tampa Bay Bandits. It resurfaced at LSU when Spurrier was at Florida.

Age doesn’t matter: Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe is urging Red Sox management to bring Yankee pitcher Roger Clemens back to the team.

“[He] is 40 years old and will be a free agent at the end of the season. He’ll also be just a few victories shy of career win No. 300. Babe Ruth came back to Boston [with the Braves] at the end of his career. Why not Clemens?”

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Trivia answer: Quarterback Cade McNown, who finished third in 1998 behind Texas running back Ricky Williams and Kansas State quarterback Michael Bishop.

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And finally: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “Baylor Coach Kevin Steele, whose job has the life expectancy of a mosquito, after the Bears’ season-opening loss at Cal: ‘I think everyone was trying too hard to be perfect.’

“Your final score: Cal 70, Baylor 22.”