Definition of cruise control: Tots are busy, parents blissful

There are many ways to gauge a successful vacation. My children would say the high point of their cruise was riding dolphins. Twice. After that, maybe snorkeling off the pirate ship, and the day rough waters sloshed the swimming pool around like choppy seas.

Those moments brought joy to my maternal heart -- it is impossible to describe the look of utter transcendence on the face of a child who is riding a dolphin -- but they pale in comparison to the true highlight of our seven-day Mexican Riviera cruise:

Danny and Fiona both slept until 9 a.m. every day.

This meant I got an average of nine hours of sleep every night for a week, something I haven’t done since Danny was born almost seven years ago.

I also went to the gym every day, read three novels, spent hours (hours!) alone with my husband, Richard, and ate dinner with grown-ups, and only grown-ups, six nights in a row.

If you are the parent of a child younger than 8, you will understand that this is the vacation equivalent of discovering El Dorado.

When we announced our plans for a Christmas-week cruise, many of our friends were surprised. We have managed to travel far and often on journalists’ salaries by forgoing luxury and ease at every turn. We schedule trips around frequent-flier miles and schlep groceries into self-catering accommodations.

With all the tips, spa fees and latte bills figured in, the Mexico cruise cost us as much as our last three-week trip to Italy. But every time my husband dropped off our eager children at the onboard Fun Zone, and then headed back to the cabin or out to a deck chair, a beatific smile would spread across his face. “I don’t care how much it cost,” he said over and over again. “It’s worth it.”

We chose a cruise because it seemed the best way my whole family -- including my brother, a veteran cruise-goer, and my mother, who is not as spry as she once was -- could travel comfortably together for a week. We chose this cruise because it departed from San Pedro, thus avoiding the extra expense, and hassle, of a plane trip.

A cruise leaving from your own backyard also allows you the luxury of over-packing, which we did.

The Diamond Princess is a brand-spanking-new ship, launched last March, and part of the Grand class -- a group of the largest cruise ships on the water. With five swimming pools, nine restaurants, six bars and lounges, a teen center, a kids center, one basketball and two shuffleboard courts, six Jacuzzis, a small mall’s worth of shops and a full-size theater showing first-run movies, we figured there was no way we would run out of things to do, even during the two days at sea before reaching our first port of call.

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Aboard ship

I have said loudly and often that the wonderful thing about traveling with kids is that, for them, everything is part of the adventure. This includes the process of embarkation. From the moment the ship rose into view like a skyscraper, Danny and Fiona were entranced. (Me, I just regretted the lack of a really big hat like the one Kate Winslet wore in “Titanic.”)

Cruise tip No. 1 for first-timers: As you unload your bags, keep your wits about you. Porters are moving at such speed and efficiency that if there are bags you need to carry on, like the ones with the tickets and passports, you should keep hold of them tightly.

Embarkation was from 1 to 4 p.m., and Princess recommended that those wishing to avoid long lines arrive after 2. We got there about 2:30 and the lines were still pretty long, but with two small children, we didn’t have the nerve to show up at, say, 3:30. On our way toward the actual gangplank, the first of many photos was taken by the crew. (Every time you get on or off the ship, there is a photo opportunity; sidestep a few unless you want to continually shell out $10 a pop for prints or see your family smiling and forgotten on the walls where the unbought pictures are displayed.)

On the ship we were guided by staff to our cabin, and for reasons I still can’t understand, the kids were thrilled. Maybe because it was so small (less than 200 square feet, including the bathroom and closet) that it reminded them of a playhouse. There were two single beds that could be pushed together to form a king; the other two beds were tucked into the ceiling. Every evening, our very obliging steward Willie pulled them down and every morning put them back up again. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to move.

Cruise tip No. 2: A suggested gratuity charge of $10 per person was automatically added to our bill. You may think, as we did, that this is a little steep particularly for children and that you will negotiate with the purser for a lower rate when you are on board. It isn’t and you won’t. These people work very hard and manage to be unfailingly gracious while doing so. So figure the cost into the price of the fare when budgeting for your cruise.

We had an outside cabin with a “partially obstructed view,” which meant we were looking at lifeboats and whatever was visible between them. But at least there was natural light. (I can’t imagine four people in a cabin with no natural light. Even four people who love each other very much.) There are relatively few cabins on board that sleep four, although you can get a junior suite with a double bed, a pull out couch and a balcony. It ran about $1,000 more.

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Pool, but no suits

UPON boarding, Danny and Fiona wanted to get in the pool immediately, which would have been fine except our luggage had not yet arrived. So, cruise tip No. 3: Pack the swimsuits in a carry-on bag. The kids had to content themselves with running up and down the corridors, up and down the stairs, visiting Nana’s and Uncle Jay’s cabins and finding the place that serves all-you-can-eat pizza pretty much 24/7. Then with great fanfare and much annoying calypso music, we set sail into a sky as deep blue as the sea.

On that first evening, we visited the Fun Zone and met the staff. The kids were so taken with the brightly colored space, the ball pit and tumbling mats, arts and crafts and video games that they wanted to stay immediately, giving us a chance to unpack and have our first dinner in the International Dining Room.

We told the kids, and each other, that they didn’t have to go to the kids’ center if they didn’t want to -- it wasn’t school. There were mornings when they preferred to go straight to the pool, or to play shuffleboard or chess on an oversized board, but most days they asked to go to the Fun Zone, which was open from 8 a.m. to noon, from 2 to 5 p.m. and then from 7 to 10 p.m. Baby-sitting was available from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. for $5 per child per hour. Every day there were new activities and contests: ice cream parties, pajama parties, scavenger hunts and every evening a different movie.

The kids, Fiona especially, quickly made friends; when we walked the decks or stepped into restaurants, there was inevitably a fallout of greeting and embraces as if she were a minor celebrity.

Many members of the crew also got to know our kids; Danny and Fiona share a, shall we say, joie de vivre that often causes them to stand out in a crowd (and certainly in a dining room or on an elevator).

For the grown-ups, there also were endless lectures and movies and educational programs every day -- vegetable sculpture! Chinese pottery! Champagne tasting! Pilates and yoga! -- on board.

But Richard and I inevitably used our child-free time to read, write, kiss each other and lie around, things we rarely get to do even while on vacation.

Of course, the single most popular activity on board a cruise ship is eating. If you have self-destructive food issues, a cruise is probably not the best vacation for you. Because there it is, everywhere you look, a new dessert lineup every four hours. The first few days, I struggled to live by a few rules. We avoided the breakfast buffet and had cereal and coffee delivered to the cabin. We tried to stick to the salad bar for lunch, eat dessert only after dinner and to partake of the ever-available pizza, burgers and fries only as part of an actual meal, as opposed to a snack. By Day 3, the rule became “try not to eat so much that you are physically uncomfortable.” This proved harder than you would think -- though I am proud to say that we kept the daily make-your-own-sundae bar a secret. Sorry about that, kids.

Each port offered a laundry list of excursions, including bus tours, horseback riding, kayaking and tequila factory tours.

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Swimming with dolphins

Through the Princess website, I booked spots to swim with the dolphins months in advance, figuring, correctly, that it would fill quickly. Unfortunately, I booked the wrong excursion -- the Dolphin Encounter, which had a height requirement that Fiona did not meet, as opposed to the Swim With the Dolphins, which did not. I called to switch, but apparently nothing can overrule the computer except the computer, and the tickets that arrived onboard were for Dolphin Encounter. (Cruise tip No. 4: Double-check your excursions; some have very similar names.) The woman behind the excursions counter was very firm -- no, we couldn’t switch at this late date -- but nice. She arranged a special encounter for the kids, which meant they had two lovely instructors, and two lively dolphins in a large saltwater pool, all to themselves.

I switched to the much cheaper ticket for the exhibition deck because I didn’t know whether the kids would need to see me to feel comfortable. Richard stayed with the adult dolphin encounter, which sounds sexier than it was -- or maybe not.

The two dolphins in his group were both very pregnant -- 11 months, ladies, so things could be worse -- and, not surprisingly, not in the mood for touching, kissing or riding. Finally, the dolphin handlers took the gals out and brought in two teen dolphins so feisty one of them almost knocked Richard off his feet.

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Snorkeling pirates

In Mazatlan, we went to the beach, which was fine but nothing special. In Cabo San Lucas, my mother gave us a snorkeling excursion aboard a pirate ship as a Christmas present and that was quite an adventure. The ship was an original 1800 gaff-rigged schooner that was indeed used in rum running along the coast. Watching the bandannaed crew climb the rigging and unfurl the sails, Danny and Fiona were saucer-eyed, and Danny spent a lot of time down below in the galley playing pirate to his heart’s content.

After an hour or so at sea, we anchored off the shore and dragged out the snorkeling gear. This was a little much for Fiona, who didn’t like the mask or the snorkel and objected to the chilliness of the water. Objected in the same tone and volume I hope she would use to announce a fire at sea; we got out of that water in a hurry. But Danny snorkeled, his first time ever, like a pro, and Fiona promised to try again “when it’s a little warmer.”

Although we had a lovely stroll along the beach and amid the extraordinary pieces of public art in Puerto Vallarta, we didn’t see much of the port cities -- we weren’t interested in shopping in Mazatlan and we were only half a day in Cabo.

But that was OK, because this trip was all about the ship. About having the cabin, miraculously clean, with the kids’ stuffed animals in a new amusing arrangement every bedtime. About relaxing by the pool while the kids bobbed and dived, or sitting in a Jacuzzi while watching them play shuffleboard.

About strolling the deck hand in hand, watching other couples do the same, and hoping that when you’re 85, you’ll still have the health and oomph to take a cruise to Mexico.

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Princess particulars

THE CRUISE:

Princess Cruises offers seven-day round-trip Mexican Riviera cruises out of the Port of Los Angeles weekly, departing on Saturdays, through April 23. Ports are Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas. (The identical Sapphire Princess will begin serving this route after Oct. 1.) Four-person cabins cost $2,503 for inside or obstructed view to $3,563 for a balcony cabin or $4,403 for a mini-suite. Prices are higher during holidays.

TO LEARN MORE:

Princess Cruises, 24844 Avenue Rockefeller, Santa Clarita, CA 91355; (800) 774-6237 or www.princess.com.

-- Times staff