Wait, the House isn’t going to fix the nation’s broken immigration system this year after all? Darn, and I had that square in my political Super Bowl betting sheet. Oh well, pass the chips and salsa, I guess.
In what will probably come as a surprise to at least one or two Americans, Speaker John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) said Thursday that the Republican-led House probably won’t be able to get around to immigration reform this session -- what with the Olympics going on, and March Madness coming up, and big-league pitchers and catchers about to report, and the cherry blossoms due to bloom soon in D.C., plus it’s been cold and snowy and no one on Capitol Hill really feels much like working anyway.
OK, that’s not exactly what he said. It’s actually not even paraphrasing. But it is better than his real reason, which was that it’s all President Obama’s fault: “There’s widespread doubt whether this administration can be trusted. It’s going to be difficult to move any immigration legislation until that changes.”
Or, to put it another way: “Waaa, waaa, waaa, why couldn’t Mitt Romney have won?!”
Or, perhaps more recognizable to most American working stiffs: “Don’t blame me; I just work here.”
Now, closer to the truth would be this joke Boehner made, about the upcoming fight over another issue House Republicans don’t know how to deal with, the debt ceiling: “If the Congress wanted to make [Mother Teresa] a saint and attach that to the debt ceiling, we probably couldn’t get 218 Republican votes.”
Good one, Mr. Speaker. A knee-slapper. Don’t quit your day job.
So here it is in a nutshell: The “Aspiring Comedian Speaker” who leads the “Party of No” that runs the “Do-Nothing House” says there’s a stalemate because, well, the spawn of Joe Stalin is in the White House. And that even if Mother Teresa were president instead of Old Joe, that wouldn’t be enough to sway all of the Republicans who are warming the seats in the House.
Wow. We were hoping for “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” but we got “Seven Days in May” instead.
But I’m not bitter. I’m not even discouraged. No. You see, I’m a problem solver. A born optimist. A guy who’s always got a plan.
So here it is: Why don’t you House folks just turn out the lights, lock the doors and go home? Give up your salaries, your offices, your cars, your budgets, your health club and healthcare and pensions and the like -- which, oh by the way, we taxpayers pay for -- and go get real jobs.
It’s only fair. If you’re not going to do the job we’re paying you for, the least you can do is quit and save us our hard-earned dough.
Now, you guys love the Founding Fathers. So here’s a quote from one, Thomas Paine. You might want to take it heart: “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.”