Hansen: Gridlock in Laguna? Look to the pedestrians

There’s an expression when someone fails at a basic task: “You had one job!”

It’s meant to be a little funny but not really. Most often, it points out that we tend to overcomplicate things, and when we do, stuff breaks and people fail.

Which brings me to the failure of Coast Highway at Forest and Park avenues.

It has to be the worst pedestrian intersection in Laguna Beach. And it’s 75% the pedestrians’ fault. The rest of the blame lies with the city, and here’s why.

Clueless pedestrians: Pretty much everyone ignores the red hand. It really doesn’t matter what the traffic sign says. People literally cross without looking directly in front of cars every single light, every three minutes, every day, all year round.

The only reason no one has been killed there (at least in my memory) is that the cars are going too slowly.

MIA city officials: Laguna loves its cars — for some inexplicable reason — which means downtown is ground zero and gets a free pass from city officials. In other words, cars sit at the top of the food chain, and everyone knows it.

Long ago, this pedestrian intersection should have had clear signs to reinforce the obvious. You know, something like, “WTH? Stop walking in front of cars — you idiot.”

Maybe wordsmith that a little bit.

Instead, we get nothing. No explanatory signs. No “traffic does not stop” or something similar.

Just spend five minutes and watch.

People eat ice cream cones like they are at Disneyland, chatting away, comparing flavors and walking blithely in the middle of an intersection — ignoring SUVs, Ubers, those annoying little muffler cars.

Drivers honk but most just stop.

In the middle of Coast Highway.

Waiting for every dripping ice cream cone to pass by.

So the light changes, of course, and gridlock happens.

Welcome to Laguna Beach.

I’m no traffic engineer, but can we agree that there’s something wrong with this picture?

And can we agree that it’s been happening — oh, I don’t know — for 20 years!

It’s as if the city has become so used to dysfunction that it’s now normal. But. It’s. Not. Normal.

And when I say “city,” I should probably exclude the police. They’re trying. They recently did a pedestrian safety awareness campaign where they essentially called people out for being dense.

Officially, it was called Pedestrian Safety Enforcement Operations, and it focused on areas around town where pedestrians get hit regularly.

Which means throw a dart.

Anywhere in Laguna is dangerous for pedestrians. The stats and locations only spell out the obvious.

“Officers will be conducting directed enforcement at those locations looking for traffic offenses made by drivers and pedestrians alike that can lead to life-changing injuries,” according to a news release. “Special attention will be given to drivers speeding, making illegal turns, failing to stop for signs and signals, failing to yield to pedestrians in crosswalks or any other dangerous violation.”

The police were smart to add, “Additionally, enforcement action will be taken against pedestrians committing violations such as crossing the street illegally or failing to yield to drivers who have the right of way. Pedestrians should cross the street only at marked crosswalks or at corners.”

Of course, the police could have just filled their quota by sitting at the triangle of idiocy that is Coast Highway at Forest and Park.

Clearly, Laguna is not alone in pedestrian accidents and death, but the situation in the city seems singularly avoidable.

According to the local police, in 2013 California had 701 pedestrian deaths, which accounted for nearly 25% of all roadway fatalities, higher than the national average of 15%.

Furthermore, the police reminded everyone that drivers and pedestrians share a common trait: cluelessness.

“A national study reveals that pedestrians and drivers do not obey laws and signals consistently, and many often use cellphones, text and listen to music while walking or driving,” the police said in the news release. “Only 60 percent of pedestrians said they expected drivers to stop when they were in crosswalks, even though they have the right-of-way.”

Perhaps it’s because of these statistics that Laguna city officials have thrown up their hands. Perhaps they know that no matter what they do to an intersection, people will do what people do.

Facts no longer matter.

Red lights mean nothing.

Life-or-death confrontations with cars are irrelevant.

The only thing that matters is individualism, entitlement and ice cream.

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DAVID HANSEN is a writer and Laguna Beach resident. He can be reached at hansen.dave@gmail.com.