With these guys, you really have no choice but to believe

Preacher Rick, UCLA’s football cheerleader, said Monday, and frankly I’m shocked, that Oregon State’s Mike Riley out coached Uncle Pete earlier this season.

But more on the mudslinging in a moment, what it might mean when USC and UCLA tangle on Dec. 6 and what prompted Preacher Rick to go off on Uncle Pete.

I began my day at UCLA because I was looking for one of Preacher Rick’s patented “I believe” sermons, knowing my night was going to end at a Clippers’ game.

And who thinks those chumps can beat anyone? Yet they run these ads on TV, their players promising to leave it all on the court, never mentioning that when they fall behind they just collapse.

They played in Utah a couple of days ago and their yahoo radio announcer finished the game by saying, “my hats off to the guys,” because they managed to stay within 22 points of a Jazz outfit missing its best player.

A lifeless Staples Center was little more than half filled Monday for the chumps’ third home game of the season, and before the game I asked forward Al Thornton whether the team was ever going to win a game. He acted as if I asked him to name all the state capitals.

“What kind of question is that?” he wanted to know.

“I’ve seen you play,” I replied. “You’ve lost three games by an average of 23 points and don’t look like you can beat anyone. So what’s the chances of you guys ever winning a game?”

He might’ve said, “tonight, or some time this week,” but I admit, it was a trick question. I knew the chumps were playing Utah followed by the Lakers and Houston. The correct answer should have been: “Not any time soon.”

Cuttino Mobley took the same question, reminded everyone the Clippers started 5-0 a year ago before going into the tank, and said, “it’s early, and I believe in this team.” A pro’s pro who was obviously not knocked off his game.

Thornton got left behind, though, as he would later in the game scoring two points in the second half, and offering a “no comment” on whether the Clippers would win a game this season. Apparently like most folks he’s not sure enough to say.

In reality, of course, like the Bruins, the chumps’ season is almost over, but UCLA at least is still trying.

Maybe it’s Preacher Rick’s power of positive thinking or his gift of blarney. I’ll go along with the incredible supposition that the Bruins can beat Washington and Arizona State, which means they only have to beat either USC or Oregon State to be eligible for a bowl game.

So which opponent presents UCLA with the best chance of winning?

“Based on what we’ve seen on TV,” Preacher Rick said, and obviously UCLA spares no expense in scouting their opponents, “we have to have a great performance this week.

“But that doesn’t mean we won’t compete in our last game [against USC if Oregon State blows off our doors and we have to win that game to get to a bowl].”

Preacher Rick said he still believes in his team, and said he has told his team the same thing, “many, many times.”

I wondered whether he’d lie to his team and tell them he believed when he really didn’t, and he said, “Absolutely. But in this case I do believe.”

Would he lie to the media? “I would never lie to you,” he said, and I wonder if he just did? As good as he is, I asked if he’d mind dropping by the Clippers and giving them one of his “I believe” sermons.

“I think someone in their I Believe Department can get that done,” he said, and just imagine how many I Believe Department employees the Clippers have gone through over the years.

FOURTH QUARTER, the chumps begin to fall behind Utah, then roll over and play dead. Again. They lose, but this time by only 16. I believe they are improving. But now I’m out of space, and unable to get to what really brought on Preacher Rick’s critical assessment of Uncle Pete’s work against Oregon State.

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, however, and I should really explain. But there’s plenty of time before Dec. 6.

By then the chumps might have even won a game.

RAN INTO Jane Pugh at a party to celebrate the 25th wedding anniversary of Frank & Karen Pace. I didn’t believe it either, a crowd also showing up just to see it for themselves.

Pace is an interesting man, Rod Carew was there too, and so was George Lopez, but Pugh stood out from everyone. Now everyone knows her as Wayne’s mom, Wayne an all-American swimmer at UCLA before his death.

But more than that, she says she loves me and reads Page 2 all the time, which took my wife by surprise. “No one has ever said that before,” she said.

FORMER CHARGERS GM Bobby Beathard called. He said he’d be setting up a card table at Cal Poly this weekend, enough folks out there still remembering the great day he had against Fresno State back in 1957. He said he’d be selling autographs for $5. It’s believed the money will be going to the Beathard Foundation as soon as he can get it established.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Armond Lisle: “AD (Anthony Davis) did more in two hours -- 34 years ago than you probably will accomplish in your entire lifetime.”

So that’s what they mean when they say life is short.

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t.j.simers@latimes.com