Buyer-Seller Contact Isn’t Always Verboten

Real estate agents usually caution sellers to disappear when their homes are shown to potential buyers. And buyers are often told that mum is the word if they happen to run into the sellers during the course of a showing.

Why are agents so reluctant to let buyers and sellers get together?

Most agents caution against buyers and sellers dealing directly because of the emotional nature of the home sale transaction.

Unlike other business deals, the sale of a home can get personal. Sellers often have what real estate agents call pride of ownership. When this is the case, an objective criticism of a property by a buyer can be misinterpreted as a personal insult by some sellers.

Home sales are stressful and uncertain experiences for both parties, and it’s almost impossible to keep emotionalism out of a home sale transaction.

Most real estate agents have a horror story or two about what can happen when buyers and sellers meet. If an offhanded remark made by one party is misinterpreted by the other, this can lead to tension and sometimes to the collapse of negotiations.

Sellers who don’t want to deal directly with buyers list their homes for sale with real estate agents. These sellers want an “arms-length” transaction with a real estate agent acting as the intermediary.

If you’re trying to buy a “for sale by owner,” you may have no alternative but to deal directly with the sellers. In this case, it may be worthwhile to hire a real estate agent or real estate attorney to help you with the negotiations.

Sometimes, however, a real estate agent gets in the way of a successful negotiation. If this happens, it’s usually because the agent is a poor communicator or because the agent is trying to act as the decision-maker. To avoid this problem, pick your real estate agent carefully.

Suppose you do pick your agent carefully but the negotiations bog down. The problem could be the other agent.

One home buyer felt that his transaction was falling apart, despite his agent’s diligent efforts. So he requested a meeting with the seller and the seller’s agent. The meeting was a success. The buyer and seller ironed out their differences and finalized all the loose ends in transaction.

The buyer’s agent summarized the details in writing, and the buyer and seller signed the agreement. The seller’s agent didn’t show up for the meeting, but the deal went forward without her.

First-Time TipDirect negotiations have a better chance of being successful if both parties are in favor of meeting. Get the other party’s agreement to meet with you before you start discussing substantive issues.

Pick a neutral place for the meeting, perhaps at your real estate agent’s office. A neutral location can help the sellers to distance themselves emotionally from their homes, which tends to help the negotiation process.

If you do deal directly with a seller, make sure to put any verbal agreements or disclosures about the property in writing as soon as possible.

In a one transaction, buyers and sellers agreed verbally on the sale of a property in Oakland. Before the terms of the agreement were put in writing, an offer from another set of buyers materialized. The second offer was for a higher price and the sellers accepted it.

Verbal agreements to sell real estate aren’t binding. So the sellers in the above example were entitled to accept the offer even though they had a verbal agreement with the first buyers.

Dian Hymer is a syndicated columnist and the author of “Starting Out, The Complete Home Buyer’s Guide,” (Chronicle Books, Revised 1998.)