‘Bachelorette’ recap: With Brooks gone, will Des give up on love?

Wow, guys. Wow.

First of all, let’s give a slow clap to ABC for completely throwing me off my game. Heading into this week, I was convinced Drew was going to be the one who said he wanted to leave. That sneaky little promo from a few weeks back had me fooled -- you know, the one where Drew is like, “I don’t think this is going to work out”? And then the cuts make it seem like Brooks is the one who is blindsided?

That’s not what happened. In fact, Des really had the strongest feelings for Brooks -- a fact I was suspicious of because of how much it was being played up by the editors in recent episodes. And Brooks really was questioning his feelings for Des -- so much so that he flew to Boise, Idaho, to talk to his family about his emotions before heading to Antigua. (By the way, I guess I’ve been pronouncing Antigua wrong for years now. Really: an-TEE-gah instead of an-TEE-gwa?)

When Brooks started talking about his emotional state with his mother and sister -- who apparently no longer live in Salt Lake City? -- I could tell things weren’t going to end well.

VIDEO: Summer 2013 TV preview

“The idea of proposing to her at the end of this make me really uncomfortable,” he told them. “And when I’m asked if I love her, I really shy away from that question.”

At this point, I was like, “Sweet! Brooks is the rare person who came on this show without the warped belief that you can fall in love after three seconds.” So he’s not ready to take a free sparkler from Neil Lane and get down on bended knee after only a few dates with Des? He’s not sure if he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone who is contractually obligated not to tell him she’s in love with him until after she is proposed to? I mean, seems legit to me.

But then it got worse. Because if he really did have feelings for Des and was just not ready to propose, why not wait it out? The Neil Lane diamond has served as a “promise ring” in the past, hasn’t it?

Chris Harrison, obviously, was on my page. When Brooks arrived in the Caribbean looking distressed, they immediately sat down for a one-on-one. And Chris was worried Brooks was acting rashly. If he wasn’t sure of his feelings, why not try “hanging out” with Des in the fantasy suite? Um, nice suggestion, Harrison.

PHOTOS: Celebrities by The Times

Alas, the thought of Des lying on a bed covered with rose petals did not make Brooks waver.

“I feel like if I don’t feel it at this point, I’m not going to feel it,” he lamented. “I don’t think Des is the love of my life.”

Oh, but Chris would not let him go without a fight.

“Your parents got divorced,” the host suggested, putting on his therapist hat. “Does that have anything to do with your fear of committing?”

“No,” Brooks replied. “I’ve been ready to get married.”

Sweet. So he definitely doesn’t love her. Now that we’ve established that, let’s go make a young woman feel horrible on national television, shall we?!?

PHOTOS: Celebrity meltdowns

Oh, and here’s Des, just waiting for her date with Brooks with her flat little stomach and her beachy little crop top.

“Today is going to be stress free,” she said as America looked on in horror, “No worries!”

As Brooks walked to greet Des sheepishly it was obvious that something was wrong. He led her to a bench on a dock. He started rambling. The tears welled. He said he didn’t miss her when they weren’t together.

“I really want to be madly in love with you,” he said.

Honestly, the whole thing was tragic and not enjoyable to watch. (Maybe a tad enjoyable.)

For realz, though, I felt for Des. The entire situation felt like a true break up. The dude says he’s sorry too many times and tries to hug you to allay his guilt and you’re like, “Bro, touch me and I’ll Taser you.”

Des told Brooks he was the only one remaining -- yes, Drew and Chris (not Harrison) were still somewhere on the island at this point -- that she wanted to be with. So, I’m assuming they both definitely get sent home next week? Which sucks for Chris, because I really like him. I decided that if he just called his “poems” “letters” instead, I would date him. A ray of light on this dark, dark evening.

PHOTOS: 50 most beautiful female celebrities

PS: What was up with Brooks’ whole “I really didn’t want to say goodbye” shtick after the breakup? You know the producers call him when he gets home and are like, “So are you having second thoughts? Do you want to come back to another island and try again?” I feel like he doesn’t come back. And if he did, wouldn’t Des be like, “Oh, no you did-unt?”

But then why did Des send out this tweet late Monday night?

What if Brooks turns up at the “After the Final Rose” taping and is like, “I’ve thought about you since that day and made a terrible, horrible mistake!” WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN??!!

ALSO:

Tuesday’s TV Highlights: ‘Nine for IX’ on ESPN and ESPN2

‘Bachelorette’ recap: Back adjustments, snow cones, cheap rings

TCA press tour: Season 3 of ‘Homeland’ finds Carrie off her meds, Brody MIA