My Turn: She’ll never be a chia pet

Being that eccentric type who grinds her own golden flaxseed as part of a breakfast cereal ritual, I reacted excitedly to the news that flax has been supplanted by the new seed in town: chia.

“Chia? As in the chia pet that sprouts hair?” asked my daughter.

Yes, though I shudder to think that the product is related to the plant that grew weedy hair on those troll-like dolls of yesteryear.

Chia originated as a staple of the Aztecs and Mayas, and it recently has been embraced by Westerners thanks to its supposed ability to lower total cholesterol, provide heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids and boost energy. One serving of chia seeds has almost twice as many antioxidants as a serving of blueberries. Plus, the plant has no flavor whatsoever and is easily digested.

For some.

Enthusiastic to try the sacred seed, I sprinkled it on my cereal flakes, along with the usual flax and oat bran. Lord knows, I am no foreigner to fiber — ever since my dear mother passed away from colon cancer, I have vowed to spend my final days struggling through some other form of demise. Hence, I enjoy abundant amounts of not only cereal supplementation but also daily blueberries; bananas; almonds; a combination quinoa, mushroom and black bean bowl for lunch; and a salad at dinner made with raw collard greens, black kale, chard, cabbage and spinach. Fiber is my friend.

Perhaps my naïve addition of the recommended one tablespoon of chia seeds was the straw that broke the camel’s abdomen. Throughout the day I suffered from cramps and swelling, only to be intermittently relieved by attacks of gas. I felt like I’d just chugged a tall glass of lemon juice and baking soda and would soon give birth, even though I am far beyond childbearing age. What good are the health benefits of chia when I cannot leave the house, even armed with Beano? I refuse to sacrifice the nutty flavor of flax for flatulence.

Researching further, I found the list of adverse side effects: Chia seeds can lower diastolic blood pressure to an alarming degree, and if you take aspirin or plan on surgery, you need to ask your doctor before eating the seeds, since they can thin your blood. (Whenever I read this caveat, I picture the ambulance driver finding the card in my wallet as my unconscious body is loaded onto the gurney: “I eat chia seeds — kindly wait two weeks before performing surgery.”)

Lastly, the imbiber of chia seeds is admonished to take “breaks” between cycles of ingestion since — get this — the seed can be addictive. How would I crave something that tastes like absolutely nothing? It’s not See’s dark chocolate nougats or Kashi’s Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Chip cookies, after all. Would I grow dependent upon the notion that this one teeny tablespoon, as painful as it is to my digestive tract, might cure me of all future ailments?

Perhaps when all is said and done, it is the personality of the chia seed purchaser that should be labeled — ahem — addictive.

Forget chia; I’ll just add a couple of tablespoons of flax oil to my salad.

Miller, who lives in Huson, Mont., is the author of more than 300 essays and stories that have appeared in such publications as Newsweek, the Los Angeles Times and the Christian Science Monitor. Her column “High on the Wild” appears in the Pines Literary Journal, and her column “Peaks and Valleys” appears in Montana Woman Magazine. Visit her blog at kcmillersoutpost.blogspot.com.

My Turn is a forum for readers to recount an experience related to health or fitness. Submissions should be no more than 500 words. They are subject to editing and condensation and become the property of The Times. Please e-mail health@latimes.com. We read every essay but can’t respond to every writer.