So, a kid with a fake ID walks into a bar

Sometimes, scientists publish bombshells that turn the world as we knew it upside-down. Other times, they publish items that crueler folks might file in a folder labeled “Duh!”

Take this item, hot off the scholarly presses: College students who possess fake IDs are more likely to be drinking alcohol. That’s right. What’s more, this practice is more common in fraternities and sororities than among the general student body. You heard it here first.

“Researchers at the University of Missouri-Columbia have completed a study examining fake ID ownership and heavy alcohol consumption by freshman and sophomore students,” a university press release reports. “The team of psychologists discovered an increasing number of students obtained fake IDs during their first two years of college and that ownership resulted in more drinking during that period of time

The study also revealed that students belonging to fraternities or sororities were more likely to own a fake ID.”

The report, involving interviews with more than 3,700 students, was published in the American Psychological Association journal, Psychology of Addictive Behaviors under the title “Fake ID Ownership and Heavy Drinking in Underage College Students: Prospective Findings.”

Look for these follow-up studies in coming months: Possession of water bongs positively correlates with marijuana use and a pantry stocked with nothing but HoHos and Cheetos suggests a lack of rigor in the good nutrition arena.

-- Rosie Mestel