Time to Back Up Truck and Run Over L.A. Again

So, Laker fans, how are you enjoying these playoffs so far?

Aside from sitting them out for the first time in more than a decade, and finishing behind the Clippers in the standings, and hearing about a Clipper winning the league’s most-improved-player award, and reading about Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant wanting to make nice only 10 months after Shaq and the dynasty high-tailed it out of the barn, it really wouldn’t be that tough to take.

But then you go and turn on the television.

On Monday on TNT, Magic Johnson watches Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady lift Houston to what was a 2-0 playoff series lead over Dallas and remarks, “It reminded me of myself and Kareem. We knew how to play off each other.”

Remember when Shaq and Kobe were supposed to remind Magic of Kareem and Magic?

On local Channel 4, there’s a clip of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger turning a recent appearance in Fontana into a stand-up comedy gig, complaining about how difficult his job is at the moment.

“Of course it is tough,” the governor began. “Especially when you start the year with three major disasters.

“First you have the rains.

“Then you have the mudslides.

“Then you have the L.A. Lakers.

“I’m telling you, it’s really tough to be governor right now.”

Remember when Schwarzenegger left those kinds of jokes to Jay Leno, who told those kinds of jokes about the Clippers?

There’s no fun quite like kicking a once-arrogant giant when he’s down. Especially when another giant, name of Shaquille O’Neal, sees nothing wrong with picking on someone who used to be his own size.

After hobbling through the Miami Heat’s first two playoff games against New Jersey, O’Neal couldn’t resist digging in with this sound bite: “Right now, the guy’s are driving the Diesel truck with bad tires in the back. They’re carrying me. I’m not really at 1,000% Diesel form yet. It’s nice to be on a good team.”

Did you hear that one, Kobe?

It’s one thing watching the 2004-05 Lakers become of the butt of jokes around the league, around the country and around the airwaves. We all saw them play. They deserve everything they get.

But it’s something else when the Dynasty Lakers get dragged into the discussion, as happened on ESPN’s “SportsCenter” Thursday. With way too much time to kill between Heat-Net playoff games, “SportsCenter” thought it might be cute to throw this absurdity into the jaw-flapping mill: The 2000 Lakers or the 2005 Heat -- “which is the better supporting cast for Shaq?”

Really. This actually made it to “SportsCenter.” They put up a graphic with comparative statistics and forced anchor Dan Patrick to play along for several very long minutes, which at least gave him the chance to polish his deadpan.

Michael Wilbon wanted to know if it was a trick question. Tony Kornheiser called it nonsense. Greg Anthony handled it more diplomatically, but not wanting to be laughed out of arenas across the league, he also latched on quickly to the 2000 Lakers.

With “SportsCenter” unable to find anyone employed by ESPN wanting to place his talking head on that block, the unfortunate assignment of arguing the Heat’s case fell to Miami Herald beat writer Israel Gutierrez.

“If you start with the sidekicks,” Gutierrez said, referring to Dwyane Wade and Kobe Bryant, “on the 2000 team, Kobe averaged about 22.5 points, maybe five assists a game. Dwyane is averaging 24 and seven this year. And I think the one intangible that Dwyane has the advantage is that he instills confidence in his teammates.

“He knows how to get them involved, more than Kobe Bryant ever did. Maybe even more than Kobe Bryant does now.”

Did you hear that one, Kobe?

It has been a long, rough postseason, Laker fans. But some good news here. Only 3 1/2 more rounds to go.

Available for viewing this weekend:

TODAY

* Colorado Rockies at Dodgers

(Channel 13, 7 p.m.)

Two advantages to watching this one on television: 1. Most likely, no obstructed-view seats in your living room. 2. When things start to go south for the home team, salvation is only one remote-control punch away.

* Chivas USA at New England Revolution

(FSNW 2, Fox Soccer Channel, 4:30 p.m.)

Last Saturday’s Chivas-Galaxy match garnered the highest national rating ever for a Major League Soccer game on ESPN2: 0.4. And that, so far, remains the highlight of Chivas’ inaugural MLS season.

* FC Dallas at Galaxy

(FSNW2, 7 p.m.)

Carlos Ruiz won in his return to the Home Depot Center two weeks ago, but that was only against rookie Chivas. Here, he meets his old teammates, who are working to unseat Dallas for first place in the Western Conference. And how goes the Galaxy’s Ruiz-out, Landon Donovan-in experiment? So far, Donovan has produced two goals and two assists in two games with the Galaxy. Ruiz, in four games with Dallas, also has two goals and two assists. Push expected to come to shove tonight.

SUNDAY

* Angels at Minnesota Twins

(FSNW, 11 a.m.)

Sure, the Boston Red Sox won the World Series and buried the curse and all, but that was so last year. You want the most amazing baseball story of 2005? Johan Santana starts against the Angels having won his last 17 decisions. That’s within three of Roger Clemens’ American League record and seven of Carl Hubbell’s major league mark. And that’s with Santana making all of his starts for the Minnesota Twins.

* “NFL Total Access Week in Review”

(NFL Network, 9 a.m.)

The NFL Network launches in Mexico, hoping to attract millions of new fans to America’s most popular sport. And then on Oct. 2, when the San Francisco 49ers and Arizona Cardinals play a regular-season game in Mexico City, the NFL will drive all those newfound fans away.