A Quick KO in Men’s Skating

It was shorter than a judge’s mink stole. It was quicker than a coach’s air kiss. It made about as much sense as a flying teddy bear.

Six minutes.

What had been building for four years ended Tuesday in six minutes.

That’s how long it took for former world champion Evgeni Plushenko to do essentially the only thing required of him to win an Olympic gold medal in men’s figure skating.

That’s how long it took him to show up.

Skating second on the short program, he rolled out one of his trademark quad jumps, hammered through the rest of a technically brilliant but artistically blah program, then took a seat while judges fitted him with a crown of 90.66 points.

It was the equivalent of two touchdowns better than the previous world record for a short program under the new scoring system.

It was five touchdowns better than any of his competitors have ever scored.

It was four touchdowns better than any of them scored here.

For anyone to catch Plushenko in the long program Thursday, Plushenko would have to fall through the ice.

He is 10 points better than American Johnny Weir, who did a flawless short program that was twice as elegant.

He is 11 points better than Switzerland’s Stephane Lambiel, who is only the defending world champion.

This was not a competition, it was a coronation.

It’s halftime, and it’s over, and it’s wrong.

“He’s a great skater, but he’s not that much better than everybody else; nobody is,” said John Baldwin, U.S. pairs skater watching from the stands. “This is crazy. This is ridiculous.”

But this is -- ta-da -- skating, and even new rules cannot change old biases.

Plushenko is considered the best skater in the world who missed the gold medal in 2002 because of an unfortunate fall.

In only slightly longer than it takes to shout, “Rip-off!” judges used the new rules to reward Plushenko’s technical skills, ignoring others’ artistry.

Plushenko skates like a man building a house. He hammers, saws and scowls.

Weir and Lambiel skate like men painting that house. They brush and roll and create.

“I saw Plushenko’s program, and the quad was great, but his combinations didn’t look too clean,” said France’s Brian Joubert, who is in fourth place. “I thought, ‘OK, 85 or 86 points.’ When I saw it was 90, I couldn’t believe it. That’s way too much.”

Joubert shrugged.

That’s one of skating’s problems. The losers shrug. They handle injustice with quiet acceptance, and the foolishness continues.

Weir deserves a chance to win, but he has never placed higher than fourth in the world championships and knows he has no chance.

“Maybe if it wasn’t Plushenko,” he said. “Look at his score. Ninety points? He made as much in one program as some people make in the whole competition.”

Was Weir, then, giving up?

“I’m not conceding, I’m just being realistic,” he said. “Having him be a great champion, and having him have as much support as he does from international judges, it’s very, very difficult.”

The one clear advantage Plushenko has is his quad jump. But according to the new rules, that is worth only three extra points.

Still, it has gotten into Weir’s head and he’s considering trying his own quad Thursday.

“Some days I have it in my own program, some days I don’t,” he said. “If I wake up Thursday and I feel like Nick Nolte’s mug shot, then no quad.”

It’s a shame when beautiful, athletic skating is no longer enough. It’s a shame when somebody such as Weir has to radically change his game and risk any sort of medal for a remote chance at victory.

There is one set of rules for the 29 other skaters here, and another set for Plushenko.

After each performance, the 29 other skaters were required to stop outside the ice to meet briefly with reporters.

Plushenko brusquely rushed past.

Afterward, the second- and third-place skaters took their places for a news conference.

Plushenko argued with officials before finally joining them.

“Guys, come on, nothing happened,” he said in English. “I skated clean. I did my job. Good. I should do my job.”

He is not only being given this title, the three-time former world champion is acting as if he is entitled to it.

Meanwhile, Joubert, a former world runner-up who put his hand down on a quad and turned a triple toe loop into a double, has lowered his expectations.

“That 90 points for Plushenko, it’s a lot. Right now I’m just trying to get any kind of medal,” he said.

And Lambiel, who landed a quad but turned a triple axel into a double, is also resigned.

“That’s a lot of points to make up,” he said. “All you can do is fight.”

Weir simply laughed. “People are starting to know who I am more and more, the judges know who I am and are rewarding me,” he said. “But I know they’re not holding me up there yet.”

Up there, where another longtime champion resides in the minds of judges who have again turned a trademark Winter Olympics event into a bad tease.

Watch Thursday’s long program, if you will, but you’ll be watching an Olympic rerun.

Six minutes. Short enough to reinforce old fears, long enough to change the channel.

Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Plaschke, go to latimes.com/plaschke.