‘The Hills’: Standing up to Spencer vs. the Ballad of Justin Bobby

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Sorry, Lauren. In this week’s double-header, the Heidi-Spencer Show wins hands down over the Lauren-Audrina Show.

Heidi finally -- finally! -- pulled rank on Spencer and whitewashed his colorful spray-painted ode to Hollywood, a gift more for himself than a surprise for Heidi. We forgave her poor taste in engagement rings -- what is that monstrosity on her finger anyway? -- for that unexpected throwdown. Perhaps Spencer’s second ‘surprise,’ a vintage arcade game in their dining room, put her over the edge. Whatever the case, it’s about friggin’ time.

Side note: Some of that backbone might have benefited Heidi during the making of her upcoming album. Her song ‘Body Language,’ which she and Spencer are now claiming is not her first single but a song that was mistakenly leaked to Ryan Seacrest, features a guest rap by her K-Fed-in-the-making fiance-manager.

Heidi. Must. Put. Foot. Down. More. Often.

Meanwhile, Audrina’s growing fondness for the belching, shaggy-haired wonder Justin Bobby began to eat away at Lauren. Audrina, who can’t decide on her own about JB because she has ‘commitment issues,’ drags Lauren along on their date so she can check him out. The BFF and the potential BF didn’t hit it off.

After Lauren playfully tells him he better be careful motorbiking with ‘precious cargo’ Audrina, he responds with a loud, wet burp. Audrina is only mildly embarrassed. In fact she follows the moment up by asking Lauren, in front of JB, what she thinks of him. Somehow I don’t think commitment issues are Audrina’s main problem when it comes to dating.

Any second thoughts Audrina had about entering into a relationship with JB evaporated after he dropped some of his dating wisdom on her. ‘We can either kick rocks and be acquaintances ... or let truth and time tell all.’ Roughly translated: Deal with my gas or forget about the booty calls.

JB is rude and he and Audrina aren’t destined to go anywhere. But Lauren is kind of a nag. How many times does she need to tell JB that he should take care of Audrina on his motorcycle?

Asking Lauren for dating advice doesn’t seem too sound anyway. Let’s not forget that she obsessed over wimpy Stephen for the duration of ‘Laguna Beach’ and followed him up with cheating boys Jason and Brody. She should lose the upturned nose when it comes to her friends’ poor choices in guys. We know Jason is about to get his 98,734th chance in the next few episodes. (And we can’t wait!)

-- Denise Martin