PARENTING : Making Home a Place to Play : With a few touches, your house can become a magnet for children.

Didi Refkin’s recipe for attracting her two teen-age daughter’s friends to their home in Agoura Hills is simple: have an easy-going, welcoming attitude, a comfortable family room with a big-screen television and a full refrigerator.

“Both the girls are involved in athletics, and all their friends--boys and girls--bring their movies over and relax,” said Refkin. “It’s worth the effort. I would rather my kids be here with their friends than somewhere else, because this way I know where they are.”

As children move through elementary school and into junior high and high school, what attracts them to a friend’s house changes. While a good variety of Legos or the latest video game might entertain younger kids, it can be tough to find a compelling magnet for teen-agers. Yet many parents find the risks to teen-agers so numerous that it’s worth some thought and money to create a milieu that might make staying home with friends palatable to their children.

Refkin invites her daughter Lisa’s entire track team over for high-energy pasta meals before a meet, and her other daughter Kimberly’s softball team comes there often to celebrate after a game.

“The kids like to come here and kick back. I was brought up this way--my friends were always welcome at my house--and we enjoy it,” she said.

While Refkin is careful to provide some guidelines, such as not allowing the kids to congregate in the front yard, she said she tries to allow them freedom. “We don’t sit downstairs and hawk over them, but we’re also not afraid to tell them we’re in the middle of a movie so they’ll have to join us if they want to sit in the family room,” she said.

Jama and Gary Siegel of Westlake Village also set out to create a home that would attract children but would still be comfortable for adults. As a leader for both their son Matthew’s Cub Scout den and daughter Karen’s Brownie troop, Jama needed a room that was sturdy and practical as well as fun, she said.

The Siegels created a family room centered around a jukebox, a 37-inch television and a special sound system. They chose soft, navy fabric for the furniture--to help hide spills and wear--and got an indestructible granite coffee table so that the children could be comfortable putting their feet up.

The Siegels also took their commitment to entertainment into the back yard, where they installed a G-gauge train on a track that traverses the whole length of the property, crossing a waterfall and koi pond. They also put in extra-large rocks for the children and their friends to climb.

“Kids like coming over here; my friends think my train and the jukebox are great,” said Matthew Siegel, 11, a fifth-grader at Westlake Elementary School.

For Gary Siegel, the design effort is tied to his personal philosophy. “You treat everybody with respect, and kids are little people. They really appreciate that. Our family room is not a temple; it’s a pretty nice room with stuff kids can reach and enjoy,” he said.

Vicki Blakeman, the Westlake Village interior designer who worked with the Siegels to create a kid-friendly home, believes that attracting children and teen-agers boils down to making them feel wanted. “Your children’s friends need to feel welcome,” she said. “You have to be truly interested in the kids.”

Blakeman suggests families designate at least some portion of their home as “family friendly,” with practical fabrics, ample seating conducive to conversation, and a television. The room should be designed to attract both children and adults, she said. “Discuss withyour kids what they’d like,” she suggested. Some might prefer table-tennis or a basketball hoop in the back yard to an entertainment system, but just asking for feedback will help parents communicate their interest, she said.

Yet Blakeman cautions against catering too much to children and making them feel that the entire household revolves around their happiness. She said she increasingly sees parents bending over backward to meet their children’s perceived needs. One couple she worked with decorated their 2-year-old’s room to the nines while they waited to garner the resources to furnish their still-empty living room.

Some parents who have succeeded in creating an environment that attracts their children and friends say there are drawbacks to becoming the neighborhood hangout.

Refkin admits that as much as she loves having her children’s friends over, she occasionally tires of furnishing all the food. “It’s sometimes a very fine line between being a welcome wagon and feeling used. Half a dozen bagels don’t last for a week anymore,” she said.