Ali-Tyson? Boxing Fans Are All Ears

What’s Muhammad Ali’s idea of a good joke? Imagining a fight between himself and Mike Tyson.

In the July 14 issue of The New Yorker magazine, Ali was asked whether Tyson could have beaten him.

“Don’t make me laugh,” replied the former heavyweight champion, who then broke into laughter. “Tyson don’t have it. He don’t have it.” To dispel any doubt about what “it” is, Ali pointed to his head.

Ali, 55, retired from boxing in 1981.

*

Ear today, gone tomorrow: Has any event in recent sports history fanned the imagination of headline writers the way Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield II did?

For those who simply cannot get enough fight-bite and champ-chomp puns, Morning Briefing presents a final (dis)honor roll of post-bout headlines:

“Ear-Responsible,” Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

“Pay Per Chew,” Philadelphia Daily News.

“Lobe Blow for Boxing,” the Nashville Tennessean.

“Ear of Scorn,” Kansas City Star.

“Biting Commentary,” the Boston Herald.

“A Bad Bite for Boxing,” the Raleigh News & Observer.

“Requiem for a Chompion,” Philadelphia Daily News.

“Tyson Doesn’t Gnaw What’s Next,” the Oklahoma City Daily Oklahoman.

“Now Ear This: Rematch is Possible,” New York Post.

“Sucker Munch,” the London Sun.

“For Tyson, Tooth Hurts,” New York Post.

“Reality Bites,” Albany Times Union.

*

Trivia time: Who was the oldest player to appear in baseball’s All-Star game?

*

Life begins at 42: Professional golfer Peter Jacobsen has found that at 42, “your body is different than it was at 25,” explaining why he has changed his diet, cutting down on sugar and caffeine.

“I used to exist on cheeseburgers and beer and then go out and shoot a 64,” Jacobsen says. “I can still shoot 64 but I’m usually standing on the 14th hole.”

*

Or is it 50? Hubert Green is enjoying his first season on the Senior tour after becoming eligible by turning 50.

“Now I’m the young guy on the old tour, instead of the old guy on the young tour,” he says. “It’s nice to be a pup again.”

*

When in San Salvador . . . While covering the United States’ World Cup qualifying match against El Salvador last month in San Salvador, Soccer America’s Duncan Irving encountered a fan draped in a Salvadoran flag who whispered to him, “Go USA. I’m rooting for you today.”

Why the Salvadoran flag, then?

“Because I don’t want to get my [butt] kicked, man,” the fan said. “I’m a hypocrite for the day.”

*

Trivia answer: Satchel Paige, at 47 years, 7 days.

*

And finally: From Pittsburgh Pirate shortstop Kevin Elster, part owner of the Mission Viejo Vigilantes of the Western League:

“I’m a typical owner. It doesn’t matter what our record is--just as long as I make money on the deal.”