What to Wonder About Next

Outside a third-grade classroom at Newcomb Academy in Long Beach messages are posted from students under the heading: “I wonder.”

One youngster wondered who her teacher would be. One wondered whether his pal Johnny would be in his class. And another had a more fundamental question:

“I wondered if I could get to go to the bathroom when I want to.”

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WHICH REMINDS ME: Jeff Zabel, a 23-year-old youth pastor from Lakewood, filled the heavens with a mighty whirling sound to win the 1998 Fluidmaster Flush Off. He won $1,000 for best imitation of a flushing toilet during the competition in San Juan Capistrano.

Fortunately, the swallows are away this time of the year. Fluidmaster, which manufactures home repair toilet kits, says October is National Toilet Repair Month, a time when many not-so-handy husbands may also take flight.

An Irvine woman, by the way, finished second with her imitation, which is commendable. After all, as I recall, city law prohibits toilets from making a sound in Irvine.

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HE COULDN’T COPE WITH THE REWARD: The Wall Street Journal reports that a London psychiatrist is suing American Airlines after helping save a woman’s life on a flight to L.A. Answering an on-board plea for a doctor, Dr. John Stevens correctly diagnosed a woman’s breathing problems and persuaded the pilot to stop in Chicago. So what’s the problem? The airline gave Dr. Stevens a bottle of champagne and a voucher of undisclosed value for a future flight. But Stevens wants more. He served the airline a bill for $909--his usual fee for 4 1/2 hours work.

Flush!

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L.A. VERSE: Next up in our search for a make-over of an early century poem about the City of Angels’ downtown streets is Dawna Kaufmann, who penned a sort of salute to the entertainment industry.

Old version recap: “From MAIN, I SPRING to BROADWAY, and over the HILL to OLIVE, and wouldn’t it be GRAND to HOPE to pick a FLOWER on FIGUEROA.”

Kaufmann’s version: “The MAIN thing, I said with a SPRING in my voice, ‘is I’m gonna star on BROADWAY before I’m over the HILL. I was born to play OLIVE Oyl. I’ll be GRAND, at least I HOPE. For my debut, bring a FLOWER but no chocolates--I’ve gotta watch my skinny FIGUEROA.”

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BODY PARTS (I): A menu listing of a “fresh poached ear” caught the eyes of Bob and Shelley Perpall of Manhattan Beach (see accompanying). If more food items were that unappetizing, even I could watch my not-so-skinny figueroa.

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BODY PARTS (II): Dolores Horton of Long Beach and several other readers pointed out that the artist for the “Mary Worth” comic strip recently attached an extra digit to the hand of a character (see accompanying).

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FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALL THUMBS: Marty Rauch came upon an ad by B&B; Hardware of West L.A., which says its workers speak Spanish, German, Urdu, Mandarin, Hindi, Tagalog, Gujarati, Chinese and English.

Yes, but can they interpret that most incomprehensible of languages known as “Assembly Directions”?

miscelLAny:

On a flight from Athens to Istanbul, Rue Pine of L.A. picked up a Turkish Air magazine and came upon an article on Los Angeles, which recommended such sights as Marineland (closed for several years) and Forest Lawn Memorial Park, which it described as a “pet cemetery.”

Flush!

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.