LAUGH LINES

No Business Like . . .: Dennis Rodman told ESPN that he’s weighing show business offers. “His options are limited. He’s either going to work for Death Row Records as an artists’ consultant or join the Spice Girls and change his name to Nutty.” (Argus Hamilton)

She’s a Natural: Actress Sophia Loren was presented with the Italian government’s award for high cultural achievement. “She certainly deserves it. She was a movie star before there were implants.” (Hamilton)

The Real Tarzan: Scientists believe they have found the missing link between ape and man. It’s called Australopithecus garhi. “Well, I guess that pretty much lets Fabio off the hook.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Dueling Divas: Plans by Elton John and Tina Turner to tour together fell apart when they discovered they couldn’t work together at a recent event. “He kept wanting to borrow her outfits.” (Gary Easley).

Closing the Gap: Canadian scientists have refuted a National Cancer Institute geneticist’s claim that there is such a thing as “gay” genes that are inherited from the mother. “They say gays get their genes the same place as straights: on discount at Mervyn’s.” (Bill Williams)

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