He’s Bored of the Rings, and That’s Just Reality

Without the Commies to beat, or the thrill of thrashing the East German men competing as women, I just don’t find the Olympics interesting anymore.

I know it’s supposed to be all about national pride, NBC’s successfully selling 10,000 ad spots and the purity of sport, which is why there is such an emphasis on drug tests and U.S. athletes getting only $25,000 above the table for winning gold.

But right now I don’t think there is any greater degree of difficulty in sports than watching Kaz Ishii try to throw a strike, or more compelling theater than watching the Dodgers try to hang on and make the playoffs.

They have folks competing for titles, world championships and trophies in badminton, field hockey, synchronized swimming, fencing, canoe and kayak too, equestrian, cycling, women’s basketball, archery and judo all year ‘round, and I couldn’t care less. So why start now?

(I suppose if I had to watch hour after hour of women’s beach volleyball, for the good of the Games, I could do it.)

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I CAUGHT two minutes of the Olympics the other day on TV, noticed maybe 50 people sitting in the stands viewing a soccer game between the U.S. women and Australia, and although there’s always a chance a U.S. woman playing soccer is going to remove her top, if the people who can buy a ticket have no interest, why should I?

OK, so I understand I missed a big moment the other night, or as the Mighty 1090’s Ted Leitner was saying on the radio Thursday morning, “maybe the greatest Olympic comeback in men’s gymnastics.”

The first thing I did, of course, was rack my brain for memories of all the great Olympic comeback moments in men’s gymnastics, but to be honest with you, I struggled there a little bit. I made a note to call Leitner, because obviously he must follow men’s gymnastics a lot closer than I do.

I had never heard of Paul Hamm before Leitner started gushing like Lee Hamilton about him, and I’m guessing the next time I hear his name it’ll be on the celebrity golf tournament circuit replacing Mike Eruzione.

I’m sure his family is very happy for him, but I didn’t care about men’s gymnastics Tuesday, and felt the same way Thursday, a day after what’s his name gave everyone his best on the pommel horse.

Maybe if it was contact gymnastics, and the American had to hold on to the rings while getting mugged by a Moroccan, it might be more interesting, but come to think of it that hasn’t worked for hockey.

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I ALREADY know a U.S. woman has won the gold in gymnastics, and Bob Costas doesn’t go on the air for hours. Am I excited to watch? First of all, they are little girls, and I don’t endorse child abuse and the way they take these kids and manufacture pixie champions out of them. I prefer a good baseball game and a couple of home run hitters on steroids.

Let’s face it, to make the Olympics more interesting you’re going to have to shut down the Internet and ESPN, which wouldn’t be all bad, and not let folks know hours ahead of time that they’re going to be eating Wheaties for the next six months with the picture of an undernourished pixie looking them in the face. You’re probably also going to have to silence sports talk radio, and I would think there would be a Nobel Peace Prize in there for someone who can make that happen.

In the old days before ESPN crawled into your home, you never knew who was going to win an Olympic event until it was shown on TV, and so NBC’s incessant teasing for more than three hours every night -- six hours after the competition had been completed -- wasn’t so insulting.

I blame a lot of this on the Bachelor and his roses. The folks who televise “The Bachelor” have figured out that if some slug stands there twirling a rose in his hand for 60 minutes while the camera jumps from the agonized face of one babe to another, all of America will wait to see who wins.

With that in mind, they tell me the TV audience for these Games is on the rise day by day, as if the public is any great judge of good entertainment.

The Olympics, of course, are the ultimate in reality TV, with the drama stretched out and the final ending on tape. They should be a favorite among TV viewers along with “Amish in the City,” “Who Wants to Marry My Dad?” and “Trading Spouses,” which admittedly is the one show that has piqued my interest.

How interesting would this Dodger season be if we already knew how the Choking Dogs were going to finish?

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EACH FAN entering Dodger Stadium on Thursday night received a pin that read “The Streak,” in honor of Eric Gagne -- maybe the first time in baseball history a team has rewarded a guy for having one blown save in a row.

The Dodgers also presented Gagne with a set of golf clubs, and I just hope he doesn’t get the idea they are going to do this every time he blows a save.

Oh, they just told me it was in honor of his streak of 84 successful saves, and it was only bad timing that it was scheduled for the night after he blew a game.

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THE DODGERS traded for pitcher Elmer Dessens and cash considerations. I wonder which one the Boston Parking Lot Attendant considers more valuable.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Mark Haddad:

“I am blessed as you are with a wife who thinks money grows on trees.... I also have two daughters who cannot find dates, and a dog with a wall-to-wall carpeted dog house that matches the color of the dog’s eyes, which was my wife’s idea.”

Glad to hear you’ll have a comfortable place to stay after she reads this.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.