Sorry, losers and haters: ‘Bard of the Deal’ presents the luxurious poetry of Donald Trump

Donald Trump, poet? The Republican candidate's speeches have been sampled to create a new poetry collection.

Donald Trump, poet? The Republican candidate’s speeches have been sampled to create a new poetry collection.

(Scott Olson / Getty Images)

If Donald Trump doesn’t win the presidency, there’s always a chance he could be the next U.S. poet laureate.

Just ask reporter and humorist Hart Seely, who’s managed to find the poetry in the Donald’s interviews, speeches and tweets. Seely has turned the Republican presidential front-runner’s words into verse in his book “Bard of the Deal: The Poetry of Donald Trump,” out Dec. 15.

Seely told that he’s no poetry expert, but he’s fascinated by the New York real estate mogul. “He’s clearly a brilliant man. He goes to all of these speeches and talks about how smart he is, though,” Seely said. “Nine out of 10 people who come up to you to tell you how smart they are, they’re idiots.”


Trump’s brilliance is on full display in the poems, one of which considers his (doomed) love of a certain junk food:

Nabisco. Nabisco!

Oreos! Right?

Oreos! I love Oreos!

I’ll never eat them again. OK?

I’ll never eat them again.


No ... Nabisco.

Publisher Harper Paperbacks lauds Trump’s literary bona fides. “Like a colossus, he bestrides the cultural world as if it were the bottle-strewn boardwalk of Atlantic City,” it proclaims. “On a regular basis, The Donald speaks, tweets and hollers his verses — always without the needless restrictions of political correctness and grammar ... because among world class poets, there don’t be no grammar, there only be truth ... big time!”

This isn’t Seely’s first foray into found poetry from politicians. He edited and compiled the 2003 volume “Pieces of Intelligence: The Existential Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld” (“Needless to say, / The president is correct. / Whatever it was he said.”)

“The Bard of the Deal” might contain Trump’s reflections on cookies, but it’s also not afraid to tackle bigger issues, such as the sometimes venomous nature of today’s political scene:

I was attacked viciously

By those women,


Of course, it’s very hard for them

To attack me on looks,

Because I’m so good looking.

But I was attacked very viciously

By those women.

“The Bard of the Deal” will be available in e-book and paperback.