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Decisions, decisions: Negotiating the Golden Globes after-party scene is no small feat

The evening of the Golden Globe Awards is arguably the best night of the year for Hollywood parties. At the Beverly Hilton alone, there are six big events going on — parties hosted by HBO, the Weinstein Co./Netflix, NBCUniversal, Fox/Hulu, Amazon and Warner Bros./InStyle. There are so many celebrities in the vicinity that many onlookers just camp out in the hotel lobby, waiting to see stars as they bounce between bashes.

So many arrows... So many parties... So much fun! #GoldenGlobes

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With so many options, it's difficult to know where the action is taking place. So when the show first lets out, a sea of people in tuxedos and gowns pours out of the Hilton ballroom looking perplexed: Where to go first? I decide on Fox, since it's been a big night for the studio with wins for "The Revenant" and "The Martian."

8:45 p.m.: Well, so much for that plan. Matt Damon — the star of "The Martian" — is already on his way out by the time we're on the way in. And it seems most of the other Globes guests used the same logic as I did, because the party is so crowded it's difficult to move.

9 p.m.: A survey of the room suggests that the night's other big Fox winner, Leonardo DiCaprio, is still nowhere to be found. Which is a shame, because I was hoping to catch him dancing with Jonah Hill and some models — something I've spotted him doing on Globes night in years past. Even though DiCaprio hasn't made his way to the bash yet, his posse has: Longtime friend Tobey Maguire is camped out at a table, drink in hand.

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9:15 p.m.: David O. Russell is holding court at a corner booth, looking cheerful even though he missed out on the director prize. Maybe he's high off the win for his "Joy" leading lady, Jennifer Lawrence, who is also nowhere to be found. Could she be off somewhere with ex Nicholas Hoult, whom I spotted her chatting with mid-show?

9:30 p.m.: An insider secret: Even though the Globes ceremony includes a plated meal, no one eats. And that's not just because everyone is sucked into Spanx. The dinner is served at 4:30, during the heat of the red carpet, and then cleared promptly for TV, so by the time everyone makes it to their seats by 5 p.m., most guests have missed out on the surf and turf. So at this point in the evening, everyone is ravenous (or perhaps just glad they don't have to worry about fitting into a fancy dress anymore). I spot a pizza oven and find the guys from the trendy new Fairfax restaurant Jon & Vinny's handing out thin-crust slices. I haven't even been able to get a reservation at this joint — which our own Jonathan Gold was super into — so I take a couple of slices and continue my star-sighting quest.

9:32 p.m.:: Finally, a big one: Lady Gaga! But she's also on her way out, and takes a major tumble on her way toward the exit. Thankfully, two big bodyguards are there to pick her up, though she seems wobbly. Her Marilyn Monroe-esque wig, however, remained intact.

9:45 p.m.: "Fargo" star Kirsten Dunst and her boyfriend, Garrett Hedlund, are sitting on the smoking patio, not smoking. Did you guys see what Dunst was wearing? Well, a lot of partygoers did, because they kept remarking on how much cleavage the actress was showing. Dunst, however, seemed unfazed by the chatter, nuzzling close to her dude. I'm kind of wishing I had a partner in crime here, as there are so many people packed into the room that it's starting to feel overwhelming.

So, time to move on. The Netflix/Weinstein bash is the most logical next step, since it's right next door. Wish me luck — and maybe a little bit of bubbly.

Follow Amy Kaufman on Twitter @AmyKinLA. Follow the Ministry of Gossip on Twitter @LATcelebs.

MORE ON GOLDEN GLOBES AFTER PARTIES

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