Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx are totally dating! They were totally photographed holding hands! It's totally a new couple alert!
Or, wait -- it's totally none of the above.
People's online story is framed differently than Us has cast its cover piece: The former serves as a confirmation that the two have some sort of relationship -- as in, one in which they've spent time with one another as friends, which is not exactly news -- while also shooting holes in the notion that the two are romantically involved.
"This is not some intense romance," a source told the magazine. "Jamie and Katie are friends and have been for a long time."
Other sources reportedly told People that they don't expect Holmes and Foxx to "take it to the next level."
Wait, isn't lots of next-level action implied by that Us cover, which declares, "Sleepovers at his house, he calls her 'my girl' -- how Katie's fling with Jamie Foxx turned serious"? Oh yeah, that cover also alleges that Patrick Schwarzenegger "betrayed" Miley Cyrus over spring break. And that Duchess Catherine is having a baby. Wait -- the last one, that's a real thing.
But wait again, isn't there photographic evidence of Katie's "secret love" (notably not referred to as her "secret lover")?
Man, we could've told you that from their body language alone.
Even so, a source described as close to the situation dubbed the notion of the picture as proof of a romance "laughable," the website said.