In a few hours the gates for Weekend Two of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival will open.
For the more than 90,000 fans making the pilgrimage to the Empire Polo Club, it’s the beginning of three days of music bliss — underneath a cotton candy-colored sky and towering palm trees, no less.
But for those who didn’t manage to snag a pass, and have a serious fear of missing out, the race for a wristband is a desperate one. And people are willing to give up just about anything to get in.
Before Weekend Two kicked off, we decided to dig around and find the best last-ditch offers on the market. So what can you get for a Coachella pass these days?
A cellphone. One desperate soul is hoping to score two passes for an iPhone 5s. No word on the phone’s condition or size, but that sounds like a crap deal considering there's a new version of the phone out. Not into Apple? No worries, there’s someone looking to trade a new Samsung Galaxy S5 for two tickets, which somehow feels a bit more legit.
An Xbox One bundle. OK, make that a 6-month-old Xbox One, according to the listing. The system apparently “hasn’t seen much play time” and for just two passes they are willing to throw in a bunch of goodies, including a controller and a headset, three games (“Halo” and “Assassins Creed” if that matters) and an eight-month subscription to Xbox Live Gold, which makes us wonder how much game time this thing is really getting.
A GoPro. One wristband (GA retails for $375) in exchange for a GoPro camera (decent ones run for about $200)? Sounds like a good enough deal.
Tickets to Hot Since 82’s Taken LA. Now, this sounds like a winner. Hot Since 82‘s event is an “illegal” rave inspired by “Taken,” the 2009 Liam Neeson blockbuster where his daughter is kidnapped by suave French human traffickers (the plot is super dark, but the action scenes are awesome). Fans will be blindfolded, ushered into a blacked-out bus, and whisked to a secret location where they are drugged — kidding, they are given liquor — and sent into a private rave. Watch Drake suck face with a pop star who doesn’t respect personal boundaries or be faux-abducted to an all night dance party? Choice is clear.
Hotel accommodations. This offer confused us. The person who posted the listing wrote that they had a room for Friday and Saturday, and from there things got a little dicey. “Me and a friend have a budget around $350 each. The hotel cost $306 total for two nights. The more people we split it with, the more room it gives us to spend on the actual ticket — and we need two tickets,” the ad read. “We are willing to offer free stay with us in exchange for two tickets OR splitting hotel cost in exchange for cheap tickets.” Two friends managed to pull together $700, spent $300 of that on a hotel for two nights (forget Coachella being three days) and are hoping to score two weekend passes for $400 or less? Good luck.
Kanye West tickets. Yeezy tickets are always clutch — and these are Yeezy tickets that are dead center, five rows away from the floor at the Forum so the sightline will be magnificent. But, and this is very crucial, the tickets are for Power 106’s Powerhouse concert, which means you’ll have traded two Coachella passes for a 50-minute Kanye set that also includes performances from Ludacris, Kid Ink and Casey Veggies. For comparison Action Bronson, Vic Mensa, Azealia Banks, Lil B, Ab-Soul and Raekwon and Ghostface Killah are all Day 1 acts at Coachella. Yeah, no thanks.
Sex. Now to be fair, the guy only said he was looking for "a cute fun chick who wants this years coachellas passes, and wants to trade day passes for some fun." But that's totally code for sex considering he detailed the exact type of woman (he actually said "gurl") he was looking for. "I'm 22 in college own my own company so it would be win win for both uf [sic] us both cute and young, please no men or wierdos [sic] lol." So, a 22-year-old with questionable grammar skills managed to start a company while in college but has to beg for sex on the Internet. Hilarious, and gross. Pass.
Pity. This would-be Coachella goer has absolutely nothing to offer in exchange for tickets. And, spoiler alert, they made a terrible case for why you should pity them. “I gotta pay taxes and seriously can't afford to go, but I live an hour and half away and have a place over there to stay,” read the posting. “Anyone in the Inland Empire want to just get rid of a wrist band?” This response from one user summed things up rather nicely: “Hahahaha.”
For more music news and constant dispatches from Coachella 2015 follow me on Twitter: @gerrickkennedy