Kimmel's annual monologue at the ABC upfronts has become something of a rite of spring for the thousands of media buyers, advertising executives and journalists who attend the network presentations each year.
On Tuesday, he took to the stage for the 11th time and delivered a set peppered with jokes aimed at the flailing broadcast networks (his own included), as well as the aforementioned
After the subdued mood at
Here are a few of his best zingers — or at least the ones fit for sharing in a family newspaper.
On NBC's decision to replace Jay Leno: "They found that by being No. 1 in his time slot, he was embarrassing their other shows."
On the difficulty of forging a successful career after
On Fox’s ratings woes: "Except for the problems with ‘
On NBC’s ratings woes: “They came in behind
On ABC's ratings woes: "You are about to invest $4 billion in a network that rolled a 400-pound comedian off a diving board last week."
On the decline in ratings for broadcast TV as a whole: "Every year Apple products get smaller and no one has a problem with that."
On the imperfection of the upfronts process: "Let's call the upfronts what it is: Throwing a bunch of [stuff] at a wall to see what sticks. And guess what? You guys are the wall."
On putting a positive spin on sub-par programming: "You can't polish a turd, but you can buy a hundred-million [dollars] in advertising on it."