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Polo pony and bottled water: fantasy gifts for William and Kate's baby

Polo pony and bottled water: fantasy gifts for William and Kate's baby
A royal fan holds a figurine of the duchess of Cambridge outside St. Mary's Hospital on April 21, 2015. (Facundo Arrizabalaga / EPA)

Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, whose new baby girl was born Saturday morning. All is well, according to reports, and the parents, grandparents and royal great-grandmother Queen Elizabeth II are all delighted, of course.

A new bundle of joy inevitably means a bundle of baby gifts. But when that baby already has the Falkland Islands and a great-grandmother whose face appears on coins and currency around the globe it can become, well, a royal pain.

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To that end, we’ve taken the liberty of compiling a short list of fantastical gift ideas for the daughter of Prince William and his duchess, the former Kate Middleton, that are sure to make an impression. (And trust us, returning a herd of elephants isn’t as easy as you might think.)

From American pop culture royalty Kanye West and Kim Kardashian West: A baby onesie screen-printed with the slogan: “My Bestie is North Westie”

From a guy who literally has castles on both U.S. coasts, Walt Disney Chairman and CEO Robert Iger: A crawl-on cameo in the next installment of the “Star Wars” franchise

From British fashion princeling Burberry CEO and Chief Creative Officer Christopher Bailey: A lifetime supply of khaki-colored bespoke Burberry trench coat gabardine diapers (both stylish and waterproof!).

From the woman with her own publishing empire, author J.K. Rowling: A cloak of invisibility to protect HRH from prying paparazzi.

From the empress of fashion glossies, Vogue Editor-in-Chief Anna Wintour: The co-hosting gig for the 2035 Met Gala.

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From the reigning king of Silicon Valley, Apple CEO Tim Cook: A Jonathan Ive-designed one-of-a-kind Apple Watch Royal Baby Edition, features of which include a baby monitor and sterling silver spoon teething clasp built into the band.

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From the king of Americana, Ralph Lauren: A live polo pony (named Ralph, naturally).

From prince among boy bands Harry Styles:  Zayn Malik's spot in One Direction.

From the closest thing America has to a reigning monarch, President Obama: A congratulatory box of newly legal Cuban cigars (for the proud parents, mind you – not the baby).

From the U.S. lady-in-waiting Hillary Clinton: A dedicated private email server.

From the caliph of California, Jerry Brown: The drought-stricken state's last case of Arrowhead bottled water.

From British pop culture royalty David and Victoria Beckham: Naming rights for the MLS team stadium Team Becks is angling to build in Miami.

If there's an over-the-top gift you think belongs on the list, feel free to share your suggestions in the comments section.

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For the latest in fashion and style news, follow us @ARTschorn and @Booth1.

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