Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, whose new baby girl was born Saturday morning. All is well, according to reports, and the parents, grandparents and royal great-grandmother Queen Elizabeth II are all delighted, of course.
A new bundle of joy inevitably means a bundle of baby gifts. But when that baby already has the Falkland Islands and a great-grandmother whose face appears on coins and currency around the globe it can become, well, a royal pain.
To that end, we’ve taken the liberty of compiling a short list of fantastical gift ideas for the daughter of Prince William and his duchess, the former Kate Middleton, that are sure to make an impression. (And trust us, returning a herd of elephants isn’t as easy as you might think.)
From a guy who literally has castles on both U.S. coasts, Walt Disney Chairman and CEO Robert Iger: A crawl-on cameo in the next installment of the “Star Wars” franchise
From British fashion princeling Burberry CEO and Chief Creative Officer Christopher Bailey: A lifetime supply of khaki-colored bespoke Burberry trench coat gabardine diapers (both stylish and waterproof!).
From the woman with her own publishing empire, author J.K. Rowling: A cloak of invisibility to protect HRH from prying paparazzi.
From the empress of fashion glossies, Vogue Editor-in-Chief Anna Wintour: The co-hosting gig for the 2035 Met Gala.
From the reigning king of Silicon Valley, Apple CEO Tim Cook: A Jonathan Ive-designed one-of-a-kind Apple Watch Royal Baby Edition, features of which include a baby monitor and sterling silver spoon teething clasp built into the band.
From the king of Americana, Ralph Lauren: A live polo pony (named Ralph, naturally).
From prince among boy bands Harry Styles: Zayn Malik’s spot in One Direction.
From the closest thing America has to a reigning monarch, President Obama: A congratulatory box of newly legal Cuban cigars (for the proud parents, mind you – not the baby).
From the U.S. lady-in-waiting Hillary Clinton: A dedicated private email server.
From the caliph of California, Jerry Brown: The drought-stricken state’s last case of Arrowhead bottled water.
From British pop culture royalty David and Victoria Beckham: Naming rights for the MLS team stadium Team Becks is angling to build in Miami.
If there's an over-the-top gift you think belongs on the list, feel free to share your suggestions in the comments section.