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The slights are mostly small, but cumulative. Maybe it's the blank, slightly confused expression on someone's face when Jim Smith introduces his "domestic partner." Or the extra fee that rental car agencies charge if they both want to drive the car, because they are not married. Or the tax forms they cannot file jointly.
Each instance is a little reminder that society sees them, according to Smith, "as less than human."
He and his partner, Frank Reifsnyder, have been a couple for 10 years. They have graduate degrees and lucrative careers and a beautiful Spanish colonial home in Toluca Lake, with fountains and tiled terraces and vaulted ceilings with hand-hewn beams. They have 14-month-old twins, Milo and Kaylee, whom they adore.
In their eyes, they have all the trappings of a happy marriage -- just not the marriage itself. And they want it.
--
A long wait
On Thursday, Smith, 40, sat in front of his computer at home, waiting to see whether the California Supreme Court would let them marry.
He called Reifsnyder, 36, who was on a business trip in Orlando.
"This is nerve-racking," Smith told him. "This site is going really, really slow. . . . Are you excited?"
A minute later, he pulled up the 172-page document and started reading. "I have no idea what this means," he said, scrolling through pages and pages of legalese.
Finally, he homed in on the key page, 120. He choked up. "Can I read you the decision? It's really good."
In a 4-3 vote, the state's high court ruled that language in the law "limiting the designation of marriage to a union 'between a man and a woman' is unconstitutional and must be stricken from the statute."
Smith and Reifsnyder won't get substantially more legal rights from the ruling. Same-sex couples who register as domestic partners in California have many of the legal rights accorded to married couples, and the ruling will have no effect in the federal domain, including Social Security and income taxes.
But Smith was ecstatic. He said the significance of the ruling is much deeper.
"I think this signals the beginning of the end of ostracism and bullying and all the things used to make people feel less human than others," Smith said.
But he knows the issue is far from settled. Many people believe same-sex marriage would demean a sacred institution, and an initiative expected to qualify for the November ballot aims to amend the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage.
"Having a majority of the people you live with say you are less worthy of participating in this economy and society," said Smith, "that would make it pretty hard to stick around."
--
'Devastating' treatment
For Smith, the issue is all a matter of dignity.
Each instance is a little reminder that society sees them, according to Smith, "as less than human."
He and his partner, Frank Reifsnyder, have been a couple for 10 years. They have graduate degrees and lucrative careers and a beautiful Spanish colonial home in Toluca Lake, with fountains and tiled terraces and vaulted ceilings with hand-hewn beams. They have 14-month-old twins, Milo and Kaylee, whom they adore.
In their eyes, they have all the trappings of a happy marriage -- just not the marriage itself. And they want it.
--
A long wait
On Thursday, Smith, 40, sat in front of his computer at home, waiting to see whether the California Supreme Court would let them marry.
He called Reifsnyder, 36, who was on a business trip in Orlando.
"This is nerve-racking," Smith told him. "This site is going really, really slow. . . . Are you excited?"
A minute later, he pulled up the 172-page document and started reading. "I have no idea what this means," he said, scrolling through pages and pages of legalese.
Finally, he homed in on the key page, 120. He choked up. "Can I read you the decision? It's really good."
In a 4-3 vote, the state's high court ruled that language in the law "limiting the designation of marriage to a union 'between a man and a woman' is unconstitutional and must be stricken from the statute."
Smith and Reifsnyder won't get substantially more legal rights from the ruling. Same-sex couples who register as domestic partners in California have many of the legal rights accorded to married couples, and the ruling will have no effect in the federal domain, including Social Security and income taxes.
But Smith was ecstatic. He said the significance of the ruling is much deeper.
"I think this signals the beginning of the end of ostracism and bullying and all the things used to make people feel less human than others," Smith said.
But he knows the issue is far from settled. Many people believe same-sex marriage would demean a sacred institution, and an initiative expected to qualify for the November ballot aims to amend the state Constitution to ban same-sex marriage.
"Having a majority of the people you live with say you are less worthy of participating in this economy and society," said Smith, "that would make it pretty hard to stick around."
--
'Devastating' treatment
For Smith, the issue is all a matter of dignity.
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