A Boy, a Judge and a Bitter Custody Case

In more than a decade on the bench, Max Gors had learned that most of what a judge sees is misery. Abandoned children, abused spouses, unrepentant killers. “Horrible things,” he says. “Broken things.”

It is a rare and precious moment when a judge can actually fix something and walk away feeling good. Custody cases are especially tough, because everyone loses.

For four years, the kid now sitting across from Gors in his chambers had been on the losing end of an unusual custody battle. As the would-be parents duked it out, another sort of standoff developed -- between the judge and the determined boy, now 13.

The judge was following the law. The boy was following his heart. And their paths led to very different conclusions about how the dispute should be resolved.

Yet here they were, both tired of the drawn-out case and with a chance to end it.

Gors held Timmie’s gaze, and finally asked: “What do you want?”

Of course, the judge knew. The problem was, it just wasn’t done. Children get a say in custody cases, but they don’t get to pick.

And Timmie Meldrum wanted to choose for himself.

*

When you’re a kid, there are certain things you learn to count on. For Timmie, it was the love he shared with his mother, Nancy. She showered him with smiles and spoiled him with gifts: a go-cart once, another time a quilt made of Ford emblems, sewn by hand because she knew her son adored Ford trucks.

Less sure were Timmie’s feelings about his father.

Tim Meldrum Sr. and Nancy married in 1988 after graduating from high school in East Moline, Ill. They were just 19 when Timmie arrived four months later.

Meldrum, a mechanic, cared for his son when his wife began traveling as an exotic dancer. But by the time Timmie was 4, Nancy had left Meldrum.

She met rancher Chuck Novotny during a show in Winner, a southern South Dakota farm hamlet. In 1992, she and Timmie moved in with Novotny, and the following year they had a son, Zachary. While Nancy traveled for work, Novotny became a father to both kids.

He drove Timmie to school, enrolled him in Bible study and took him to a psychologist who diagnosed attention deficit disorder. It was Novotny whom Timmie came to call “Dad.”

Meldrum saw his son when Nancy took the boys to Illinois to visit her folks, and they spoke periodically. But fate would soon threaten to shatter their relationship, and the family’s world.

On May 3, 1998, Nancy lost control of her car and was killed. When Novotny took 9-year-old Timmie to Illinois for the funeral, Meldrum said he wanted his son back. But the boy insisted on returning home -- to South Dakota.

A few weeks later, Meldrum went to court. The case landed on the desk of Judge Gors.

*

Meldrum vs. Novotny at first seemed cut-and-dried for the 58-year-old judge, one of four in South Dakota’s Sixth Circuit Court.

The U.S. Supreme Court has said biological parents have a fundamental right to rear their children. State laws generally agree that a biological parent gets custody over others unless he or she abandoned the child or is unfit.

To Gors, the law was clear. Meldrum hadn’t abandoned Timmie, nor was he unfit. Novotny, meanwhile, wasn’t a relative or even Timmie’s stepfather.

In August 1998, after a hearing in Winner, the judge was ready to rule, but he wanted to see Timmie first. They met in chambers, and within minutes Gors knew this was no ordinary 9-year-old. He wasn’t afraid to say what he wanted: to stay in South Dakota.

But Gors wasn’t swayed. Besides the law’s presumption that Timmie’s best interests were served by placement with his biological father, there was something else. The judge simply didn’t believe that children should get to pick where they live, because they might not base their decision on reason. A child could choose Dad because they go fishing together, or pick Mom because she lets him stay out all night.

Only the state of Georgia allows children, once 14, to choose their custodial parent so long as that parent is fit. Other states give special consideration to a child’s preference, but courts are not bound to it.

Gors awarded custody to Meldrum.

*

Novotny appealed, and Timmie, guided by a children’s advocacy group, filed his own court motion seeking a lawyer and demanding another hearing.

The boy even sent the judge a letter.

“I am writing to you today to beg you to help me,” he scrawled in rough cursive. “It wasn’t my fault my mom died. I should not be punished for it.”

Gors granted Timmie’s request for an attorney, and the boy remained in Winner while Novotny’s appeal was pending. The next year the state Supreme Court ordered the case heard again, because Timmie had not been represented the first time.

When the case came back before him in March 2000, Gors urged the parties to settle.

Everyone agreed that Timmie would live with Meldrum that summer, then return to South Dakota for school. But the deal fell apart when negotiations over holiday visits failed.

In 2001, they were all back in court. Timmie was 12 and he testified, telling the judge that he considered his biological father “just a guy, not like any family member.”

Still, Gors granted Meldrum custody and Novotny visitation.

“Moving to Illinois will be a difficult adjustment for Timmie,” Gors said. “However, children change families and geographic locations all the time.”

How could he know just how hard the adjustment would be at first?

On July 29, 2001, Novotny drove Timmie to a McDonald’s parking lot in Iowa, where Meldrum and his family waited. But when his father approached, Timmie lost it.

“Leave me alone!” he cried, punching Meldrum in the arm. The mirrored sunglasses he wore couldn’t conceal his tears. Novotny broke down. Meldrum appeared shaken.

“I hope he doesn’t have too much hostility towards me,” Meldrum told reporters. “But if he does, then we just work with that -- just let him know that I love him.”

Sobbing, Novotny and Timmie hugged goodbye. “I’m gonna tell you right now, that kid will be home,” Novotny vowed. “He is coming home.”

When Gors saw the exchange on the news, his heart ached for Timmie. But in the public arena, the judge had become the enemy.

Hate mail poured in; one note warned he would burn in hell. Polls showed the public favored Timmie’s remaining with Novotny. Even Gors’ own mother questioned his decision.

Still, the judge stood his ground.

“Think how easy it would’ve been to say, ‘Nah, Timmie’s staying in Winner,’ ” he says. “Sometimes the easy solution isn’t the right one.”

In 2002, the state Supreme Court weighed in again: It upheld Gors’ findings that Meldrum was fit and hadn’t abandoned his son, but also noted the law says that in some cases “extraordinary” circumstances must be taken into account. Timmie’s attention deficit disorder and his bond with Novotny constituted such circumstances. Gors was required by law to reconsider what would be best for Timmie.

The court sent the case back again. Not long after, the judge received a letter from the boy.

Now 13, Timmie had been in Illinois since the exchange a year earlier, and wrote that he had gotten to know his father better. Timmie still didn’t want to live full time in Illinois, but he would agree to stay there during the summer and on alternating holidays.

Gors could see: The kid had grown up.

*

“What do you want?”

It was Aug. 19, 2002. The case was set for trial, but a few days earlier the parties had agreed to mediation.

For hours, Timmie and Meldrum holed up in the law library, trying to come to terms. But later that afternoon, Timmie and his lawyer marched into chambers and told Gors they were finished negotiating.

“This will never end,” the judge thought.

The state Supreme Court had directed Gors to consider Timmie’s best interests, and the judge realized the only thing that would benefit him would be to bring it to an end. Besides, Timmie had changed.

Gors decided: “Here’s a kid I can trust to make a choice.”

It was after 5 p.m. when the parties gathered in the courtroom and Gors explained the deal.

Both men would share legal custody of Timmie, who would spend the coming school year in Illinois and return to Winner for summer break. Then, on July 1, Timmie would make the final decision about where he would live.

His choice would be binding.

*

Last month, Timmie returned to the courthouse accompanied by his lawyer, Steve Smith. In chambers, Smith handed him two documents, both titled, “Timmie’s Choice.” One named Novotny as his primary custodian, the other named Meldrum.

Timmie looked at them, then asked, “Is this the Chuck one?”

With that, the 14-year-old carefully signed his name to the one choosing Novotny. “Refused” he scrawled on the form naming Meldrum.

“You happy?” asked Smith.

The boy grinned. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s finally over.”

Timmie wishes he could have made the choice from the start, but he understands now why Gors wouldn’t let him: He was just a kid. He can even admit that some good came out of the judge’s decisions.

He made new friends in Illinois, he learned to play the electric guitar, and he began developing a relationship with a father who might otherwise have remained a stranger. They went to car races and hockey games, and Meldrum taught him a few things about mechanics.

Now, alongside photos of his mom, Zac and Novotny, Timmie carries a picture of Meldrum in his wallet. Sometimes, he even calls him Dad.

Gors wasn’t surprised by Timmie’s decision, but he was hopeful.

Hopeful that this boy whose childhood included too many days in courtrooms could lead a normal life. Hopeful that Timmie was happy with his choice, and that the people who love him might stop fighting over him.

From this case, the judge would walk away feeling good. Because Timmie finally felt good too.