Hate the Heat? Loving its slow start? Enjoy it while you can

Fear and loathing in Miami (cont.) . . .

Actually, the fear is gone although the loathing remains.

For all those who began hating the Heat the moment Attila said he was taking his Huns to South Beach, there’s great news!

Losses!

Injuries!

ESPN!

Phil Jackson!

Personally, I don’t think the Heat did anything wrong and LeBron James’ only mistake, after giving the Cavaliers seven seasons when he could have been out of there in four, was doing that stupid TV show . . . now known as TSTVS by hip fans who shortened the now-ubiquitous Taking My Talents to South Beach to TMTSB.

In any case, the good old days when the Heat was as admired/feared as hated are over.

Now they’re dropping like a rock as Udonis Haslem joins Mike Miller on the sideline and buzzards are flying slow circles over Coach Erik Spoelstra’s head.

Of course, the part about Spoelstra was as hard to predict as the sunrise, if the Heat got off to a slow start, like 0-1.

Reeling from the loss in Memphis where it lost Haslem, its leading rebounder at 8.2 (in 27 minutes a game, to Chris Bosh’s 7.2 in 34), the Heat was routed at home by . . . Indiana?

Said James, no longer so serene a highness: “There’s no replacement for UD.”

Not on their roster, anyway

Said point guard Carlos Arroyo: “His toughness, not disrespecting anybody on the team, is going to be tough to replace.”

Not disrespecting anyone on the team?

It was only the latest subtle dismissal of Bosh by teammates.

After the opener in Boston, James said of the team’s second-half rally, “Even Chris started to be more aggressive.”

Explaining roles recently, James said he runs the team, Dwyane Wade scores, and “CB, when he’s aggressive, that’s good.”

Then they were then left on the Magic’s doorstep like a turkey out of the oven, ready for carving, making it three losses in a row.

Talk about making everyone’s day . . .

ESPN’s Heat Index, which had dropped its LeBron triple-double watch, quietly folded “Chase for 72.”

In its place was a new feature, “Can’t Stand the Heat,” tracking the team’s many critics.

Also debuting was “What they said,” with Dallas owner Mark Cuban noting Cleveland owner Dan Gilbert “is smiling all the way.”

“You never quite know how it’s going to play out,” said Cuban, “but how glorious.”

Actually, I have a pretty good idea how it’s going to play out.

What was true before the season — as opposed to the carnival of hype of the original Heat Index — is still true:

Miami should still wind up as one of four elite teams.

Whether that’s enough to reach the Finals, or the East finals, remains to be seen.

Of course, hype notwithstanding, it always did.

Their issues — size, depth, the James-Wade overlap — were there all along.

As opposed to breaking down, a small, shallow team ran into more key injuries than it could withstand.

On July 11, the Heat had five players — its new big three plus Michael Beasley and Mario Chalmers.

Only one —Bosh — was a big man and he was a reedy 6-11, 235.

Pat Riley did a great job, with everyone he brought in coming for less. Haslem turned down $34-million offers to come off the bench for $20 million.

Unfortunately, the team was still left with big men who were undersized (Haslem, Joel Anthony), old ( Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Jamaal Magloire) or both ( Juwan Howard).

Worse, its new archrival was out signing O’Neals: Jermaine, who’s still 6-11, and Shaquille, who still blots out the sun.

Kevin Garnett, the only Celtic over 6-9 in bare feet on their 2008 champions, is now hard to spot among the O’Neals and Glen Davis. When Kendrick Perkins gets back, it will look like a buffalo stampede.

Bosh looked like a small forward in two losses to Boston, which the Celtics led by 19 and 20 points.

Of course, Bosh played that way in Toronto’s Phoenix-style offense.

This isn’t Shaq in 1996 or KG in 2006. Being the best big available in 2010 doesn’t make Bosh into Dwight Howard, Joakim Noah, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, Andrew Bogut, Marc Gasol or Roy Hibbert, who rebound and block shots.

Happily for the Heat, there are things it hasn’t gotten down yet, like:

PUTTING LeBRON IN THE *&^%$#@! POST!

James and Wade acknowledge they’re only taking turns but haven’t taken the next step: changing something.

LeBron accedes to requests to go in the post for a play or two, then drifts back to the top of the floor.

They can flash Wade, who’s good in the post, down there, too.

Then the one who made the pass cuts, and everyone is in big trouble.

This pendulum will be coming back around . . . so why not astound your friends by predicting it?

It’s a great way to set yourself off in social settings — as opposed to ordering something besides Miller Lite and having a hottie bartender who’s more macho than you are waste you with a quip and an eye roll.

Miami Heat, the IPO. Get in on it.

mark.heisler@latimes.com